I was just on a message board for OLD (online dating) and someone akin the stress of it to that of meeting people IRL (in real life) at a bar. I have never gone to the bar in hopes of making Happy Hour productive, but I can imagine as much.

What is most hard about online dating, I think, is the fact that even if you and a guy (or girl) message and start talking...you can pretty much bet (scratch that, SHOULD bet) that he/she is not just talking to you, but talking to other possible prospects as well. So, its like the guy at the bar who has his eye on you and the three other single ladies saddling up the the bar for a drink too. You are all in the running, silently competing with each other. He'll text you all, take you all on a date (or two, or three) and then narrow it down to one (well, i hope its just one anyway). You have a 1/4 chance that he'll choose you (assuming his fishing expedition only brought him four prospects).

I find this hard. I guess because I already have low self confidence when it comes to dating. The idea of competing with other girls...its not a happy thing. For the longest time I used to think that I just wasn't special enough to date - nothing unique about me. Nothing to make some guy look at me and say, "that's her, out of all the girls, she's the one." Sometimes, I still carry around that unhelpful and damaging chatter in my head. Times like this it screams to me. And I've never been much of a competitor. It's just not my style.

But I was on one of the dating websites today and say a post from a guy I had been having brief conversations with (online). The post was something or other about how he had been texting a couple of girls (none of which were me, which doesn't exactly boost my confidence). It occurred to me in a way that was like an "ah-ha" moment that with any and all the guys I have been talking to that they have other girls they are probably talking to also. Maybe I just keep not making the cut. I don't mean that in a woe-as-me way...just as a possible fact. I'll point out here that I was no-where near the delusion of thinking that I was the only girl these guys were interested in/talking to. Merely just that I hadn't really thought of it before.

I know you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. I don't know how real-life people date (having never really done it). Maybe they see a person, date them, figure out if it is/isn't going to work and then rinse and repeat (this, btw, sounds like a tiring process) or maybe they get a lot of prospects and weed them out just like those online do. In any case, I am beginning to find the whole dating process as exhausting. I haven't even really gotten knee deep yet, but I'm tired of it. I will keep going however, because love is a journey I'm willing to go all the way for...but I'm just tired already.

Because I am weary in my journey...already sick of the blow offs, ghost-guys and the competition, I feel like I cant even end with a positive thought/outlook. So I am leaving it up to a fellow online-dater, who gave me this advice:

"If someone's right for you, then other women will be meaningless. It's just the process we go through to find someone who is right for us so don't get too caught up in it. Personally, I don't think you should get "psyched up" for a meet beyond thinking it'll be an enjoyable hour or so with someone who is hopefully interesting enough to talk to for an hour."

-PJ