One thing I have learned in the online world of dating is that time matters. As in, the time of day. In fact, Plenty of Fish notifies you when it's "rush hour" and that's typically when people get online...maximize the search results for people who are "online now." I get it. People want active users to connect with and get to know. As the evening wears on though, it really stops being about the person you are searching for to date and becomes all about the sexting. I realized this last night.
Here I was, just perusing the people who had looked at my profile and I get a message. So I open it, read it, all three letters of it. "Hey" [super original, I know] and because I am trying to expand my horizons, I message back. The typical small talk ensues; quite literally it was only these two questions: "How are you?" and "how is your night going?"And then, it happens. "Do you have instant messenger or can I have your number to text?" Boom. That quickly (that might actually be a record). Since I don't really give out my number until I have established a person is worth a date, I alternatively suggest some sort of messenger.
And it becomes quite clear, quite quickly that this is one of the lonely guys (these people are quickly identifiable, I learned from Skout). My favorite line from this group of people: "I'm watching TV, alone, wish you were here" [cue the eye roll]. Said guy (lets call him Lonely Guy, LG for short) did in fact use that line. And how, exactly, am I to respond to that? "I want to be in bed with you too" [despite having "met" you ten minutes ago]. No. So I find a charming way to point out the obvious, you just met me [and really, I could be some old guy sitting in boxers and a wife beater who gets his rocks off talking to younger guys]. "I bet you say that to all the girls" is my only safe reply. And of course he does the "lol" thing and says no he doesn't say that to other girls [yeah...and Santa Clause is real, so is the tooth fairy and Easter bunny] and he knows we were just introduced, it's just that I am "so hot". [enter eye roll and heavy sigh] So what am I supposed to say to that? Thanks? That's sweet? He also asked my sign (no, I am not kidding. He is a Scorpio, in case you were wondering; I wasn't).
Guys, I tried. I really did. I tried to keep the conversation light and fluffy because despite his clear need to let off some....steam...his profile sounded decent and he is good looking. But it's "I want to kiss you" and "do you have a wild side" [I don't] and am I good girl, because I so innocent [another popular line, btw]. Oh, and he is a good guy too, but can be bad sometimes (wink wink). Am I ever naughty? And he wants to kiss me and.....bleep bleep bleep. And that's when I called it.
Me: "LG, I can appreciate where you are trying to go with this and why [ok, appreciate may not have been an accurate word], but I'm not going to be sexting with you tonight."
LG: "I'm just very attracted to you."
Me: "Well, I am glad to hear that [translation: I don't believe you]; I just wanted you to know that if you wanted this conversation to go in that direction, it wont be."
LG: "No worries"
Yeah. Sure. No worries. Because two seconds later our conversation ends. Lesson learned: no going onto the dating websites after 8:00 pm. The sexters emerge and it's not about connecting for a date in the future, it's about the horny, lonely people in the here and now. No thanks. I'll pass.
-PJ
Despite the fact that I have been online dating for over ten years (wow, that is so sad), I have never been stood up. Until now. It's just such a lovely feeling.
Pizza Guy found me on OKCupid and we messaged for a bit, then I gave him my number. We set up a date for Friday, so we texted all week long. He said he was so excited to meet me. Having forgotten what men are like (sorry guys, its a dark and dirty generalization, but it holds true), I actually believed him. I'll give him points for confessing that he is lonely and depressed about it, so that was his main reason for OLD. And you know what? That's cool with me. I think that is most people's motivation for OLD (at least a little). I told him as long as he is dating me because I am me and not because I am a stand in to ease the loneliness, then I understood. And he assures me he likes me, we are going to have a great time, and he can't wait. So Friday comes, and he texts and asks me what time we should get together. I text back my answer. And then I waited. and waited. I text him again (something along the lines of "are we still going out tonight?")....and waited. And just in case I got dressed, put on some makeup....and then nothing. So around 9pm I called it, messaged him and told him I wasn't waiting around on a Friday night. The next day I text him "what happened" and his reply: "I am sorry." That's it. And I never heard from him again. WTF? *sigh* So my lessons here:
1) Rejection sucks and being stood up makes it even worse.
2) I should remember men lie (okay, people lie)
3) Don't get excited about first dates (and for safety purposes, probably dates two and three as well)
If that didn't make my week awesome enough, I had a date with another guy (Poet guy) on Sunday (yeah, I'm really killin' it by lining up all these dates *eye roll*). This guy had the unfortunate idea to have our first date be going to First Friday, which is a art exhibition that all these galleries do on the first Friday of the month. I say its unfortunate because my first date with the guy I dated (and loved) for a year was at the art museum and we had the best time. Far better than walking around art galleries with this guy. It's not nice to compare, but my mind couldn't help but do so. I tried to give him a shot though. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, and he took me to some [cheap] taco place and stayed there for a few hours talking (and laughing). Overall it was a good date that lasted a long time. And he said he had a great time, and we should do it again. In the beginning, he had said he had been quite excited to meet me and had texted me every day up until our date. So when he didn't text me the next morning....well, I knew. So I text him....and he never answered. And a day goes by, two days...I ask "hey whats up?" and he never replies. Nothing. Not one word. Lessons learned (because I didn't pay attention earlier that week):
1) Rejection and feeling used sucks
2) Men lie (yep, men. MEN)
3) Don't get excited after a good first date. Don't be lured by the words "I had a great time" or "we should do it again" or "I'll call you tomorrow." In fact, just refer back to lesson 2.
What is it with men who can't send and/or answer a simple text? To say how they feel. It doesn't even have to be real feelings (I know that's a struggle for most men). How about, "I had a great night, but I'm not really sure I want to go out again." It's not hard to say. It's not like you'd even being saying it face-to-face; it's a text message. Come on! So here is where I stand now: two more guys have taken away the illusion that guys who fall into that "nice guy" category seem to be just as bad as the rest.
I'm really excited to keep dating now. Just tickled to be back in the game.
Welcome back online dating; I sure did not miss you.
-PJ