I know I said I was taking a break. And I am. But two things have come across my desk that I wanted to share because they so relate to this OLD world. First, an appropriate 101 on sending dick pics (thanks to Elizabeth for sharing)

And then I ran across this gem of an article and I want to post it everywhere for all men to read. They won't, of course. They can't even read a short paragraph on a profile, but ah, a girl can dream.

How To Sext (full article here)

My favorite quotes:


"Start Small. Be gentle and a bit ambiguous at first, suggests Astroglide’s resident sexologist, Dr. Jess. Dr. Jess says some examples of great starters you could try may be:
See, a how-to guide right at their feet. And yet....I bet I will still get offers to see guy's nether regions because somehow they think that is sexy. It's not. Wait. Let me repeat that for anyone who might have missed it.  

IT'S NOT.

You know, they say women are mysteries....but the truth is men just don't listen when they should. Like. Right. Now. 

I am so sick of platitudes. Men telling me how (enter word here) I am. And it runs the gamut too.

Beautiful
Insanely beautiful
Sexy
Cute
Crazy pretty
Absolutely gorgeous
Utterly gorgeous
Really hot
a hot babe
Amazingly stunning
Absolutely stunning
"The Most beautiful girl I have seen on this application"
"You are so blessed with beauty and curves"
"Cute, sweet and beautiful."
"Most beautiful lady I have ever seen"
"Cuteness overload"
"Now I believe angels exist

I am sorry, but I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor am I the most beautiful woman you have ever seen - unless you have kept your eyes closed for the majority of your life. I am getting very annoyed at men who keep telling me things like this. It's not that I have low self-esteem. I don't question my beauty. I know men who tell me I am beautiful and I believe them. The key difference, I think, is those men are sincere and I can tell they are sincere. These other guys...not sincere. Most of them just want a blow job or a quickie. At the very least they want to see my breasts and show me their penis (which I do not want to see, contrary to what they think) and sext. My favorite one is how much they want to cuddle. With me, a complete stranger. Cause it's "so nice and comforting to just cuddle with someone" (who cares if you don't even know them). It's more like they believe wanting to cuddle is their ticket into my pants. It's not. I am increasingly frustrated how much of this I encounter on dating websites (yes, I am back on dating websites :( ). Where are the guys who just want a nice conversation to start and maybe a couple days of texting (note: not sexting) before setting up a date? Everyone is so quick to get my number and go out on a date with me. They don't even take the time to get to know me, even a little. Everything is so shallow and superficial. Including all the compliments.

This isn't even a good sarcastic blog - this is just the writings of a frustrated woman that does not want platitudes from every guy on their first or subsequent messages (overkill much?). If you genuinely believe I am beautiful, that's cool and much appreciated. But don't start out with any one of those above sentences. I would reply to a "hey" only message rather than a "you're stunningly gorgeous" message any day. The one word greeting seems more sincere than the fake compliment.

I am laying off the blog for a while. I am getting a lot of material for my mocking block, it's true, but I am really not in a place where it's funny. I am a little bitter at the moment and writing about all this just isn't fun (and that is how it should be on here). I'll be back. I am sure.

Until then,
-PJ