The Speedy Response  

Posted by Plain Jane in ,

I will preface this blog by saying this: I will be the first to admit that I can be an intense person. I've always been told that and sometimes I see it in my actions playing out in the worst ways. I have been rejected a million times over, both online and in the real world, so I am fairly forgiving of others when it comes to intensity and the fear of taking risks/rejection.


That being said....

Holy hell. 

Okay, okay. let me start at the beginning. First of all, I have never, in all my years of OLD, been inundated with messages. Not when I first started, not when I changed sites...never. Except that this time, I have been. Do you know how hard it is to have 9 different conversations, remember unique facts about each person and not repeat your own information all at the same time? Because I do. I think the difference this time around is my profile. It is very short and sweet. I sound like a catch. I mean, I totally am one, but my profile actually reflects that now in a way it didn't before. So the reintroduction to OLD has been a little overwhelming; I've never been a social butterfly. I am trying my best to answer every message, even if I don't think it's a match because that is the polite thing to do and its nice for people to know, ya know?

So anyway, I was talking to this one guy, who I will refer to as the Jerk. It started out well enough; the usual niceties were exchanged. It because increasingly obvious that this guy was not for me when he began being self-depreciating and shared he basically had no real goals in life and was only working towards his current degree because his aunt did it and made a lot of money. Awesome. Way to sell yourself to a potential love interest. So, this ambitionless, pessimist asks me if I want to go out sometime. I didn't answer him. Not because I was ignoring him, but because I got busy and didn't check my messages for like an entire day. But not even a few hours later he writes, "Guess that's a no. Ok." I did see that message. And my intention was to write him and tell him I wasn't interested, but before I had the chance, he wrote me again. One word. "Cunt."  WTF???? 

Really? I mean, really? Because I didn't write you back right away? I mean seriously. I have a life. So I wrote him back, explained why I had not written him yet and then told him that after his nice, touching email, I was definitely not interested. Then I reported him to the administrator as being offensive and now he is blocked from ever talking to me again. Jerk. I can see why he is single.

But that's not all folks. No. There is another guy...let's call him Car Guy. So, we started talking on Monday. Things were going pretty well. He is a nice enough guy, I think. We started texting offline and that's when things got...well...weird. Weird how, you may ask? Well, first of all, the emoticons were all hearts and kisses and smiley faces with heart eyes, etc, etc. I find that weird. Perhaps that is no big deal on it's own. I mean, it's a little soon to be giving me hearts and kisses when I've known you for about 12 hours, but I could see past that....like I said, I'm pretty forgiving of such behavior. And several of his texts were all variations of "I really like you," which I also find weird because he doesn't know me. Really. We haven't really had any personal conversations. I could be a horrible person for all he knows. . Say you are interested in getting to know me, think I'm attractive, want to meet me...all those things, I think, are perfectly acceptable. But, "I really like you?" A bit soon. But what truly did it for me was when I didn't text him back for awhile (for the record I was working, then on-call, then sleeping). 

6:22pm: Hehe okay.
6:22pm: Hug
6:38pm: Heart (emoticon)
7:16pm: Text me when ur not busy.
8:19pm: Winking Smiley Face emoticon
7:25am: Hi [PJ]
7:47am: Did I say something? Sad face emoticon.

At this point I had not even known Car Guy 24 hours yet. Considering that I have also been talking to a few other guys via text and none of them went text crazy when I didn't respond for awhile, it just makes Car Guy look a little.....intense. I just get a vibe from him and my gut tells me I should cut bait and run. But I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is not really a creepy guy who has 'potential stalker' written all over him. So, we'll see.

Ah, well. I think the main lesson here is that people need to chill out. I never freak out when people don't text me back or message me right away. You know why? Cause I assume they have a life. And if it is the case that they don't want to talk to me, then why am I wasting my time on them? Going all crazy with the texting is not going to help the situation. It's just going to make me look crazy and probably lessen my chances even more. I'm just saying.


On another note, I did receive a message from a guy who said he was in an open relationship and looking for someone hot to have hot sex with. No, no joke. He really said that. His profile pictures were of his abs (no shirt & probably not even his) and his crotch (he had pants on, thank God). I guess I should be flattered that he considered me hot? I think? 

Well, at least I'm never bored in OLD.


-PJ





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Day One, start over again  

Posted by Plain Jane in ,

Well, I am about 24 hours in and I have had a lot of activity on the OLD website. I got my first spam message from Mohamed about 5 hours after signing up - that didn't take long at all. I got 9 messages last night and a couple this morning. I'll share a few messages, some of 'better' ones. 


This guy messaged me, but I wrote back I did not think we were compatible. His response, "sigh." Really buddy, really?  Another guy messaged me and again, not really gonna work out. His response: "Define what turned you off?"  Wait. What? You want me to tell you why? Why? What is the purpose of that? Are you going to attempt to convince me otherwise? Actually, it might be worth it to respond and let that conversation play out. You know me, I am always willing to push things a little just to see a reaction. Another guy took a more direct approach. Told me I was beautiful and then asked me to lunch. I don't necessarily find this bad. I wonder how much that directness has actually worked in his favor though.

My favorite message of the night was the guy asking me if I really was a virgin. In theory, I don't mind the question I guess. Its not a big deal, I am not ashamed. It is a fact. A personal fact, yes, but not something I consider a secret or anything. It was more the way he asked...."Sorry to be rude, but are you really a virgin?" No. No you are not sorry to be rude, because if you were sorry, you wouldn't preemptively apologize. You probably wouldn't even ask the question. So don't say your sorry. Either take ownership for asking a rather personal question or don't ask it. I did answer his question, btw. Because while I know this guy blew his chance (yeah, sometimes I am harsh like that), he doesn't know that yet and some of the time I think of OLD as one big social experiment. I like to see what happens. So he asked why and I told him I just hadn't found the right person yet. His response? "I see. I hope you aren't building it up too much in your head." Ummm.okay? Somehow, I just think this is a conversation you have after you've known someone for more than 5 minutes. The whole point of messaging in the beginning is to impress the other person. This...not so impressive. I also think saying, "I've tried dating and it's gone terribly." well...it's not really inspiring a lot of confidence here. 

I have been thinking this over. The initial message. Every single message (or those that were not single worded or 'hey whats up') has some reference to how __________ I am. Put your favorite adjective in: beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, sexy...etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, flattery is nice. But, I don't know, I find it kind of insincere. Maybe it's just the way they say it or the fact they start out with it? And the fact that most of them fish for a compliment back. If I didn't find you attractive, I wouldn't be talking to you. I hate fishing. And also, I hate text speak. U R Beautiful. How are u? Drives me crazy. But that is just a me thing...or maybe an intellectual thing. I don't know...it just irks me. Not enough to not talk to you. I am not that unreasonable. 

But if I am to mock the bad, I should, at least, applaud the good. 

This is the best pick-up line I've heard in a while: "Do you know what my shirt is made out of...boyfriend material. lol. How are you? I'm [name]"  Cheesy? Absolutely. But it made me smile. And that is someone I think is worth having a conversation with.

Lesson of the Day:
You know, people always think they are so mysterious. What people don't realize is that the pictures they choose, the words on their profile, the messages they send...all of those things pretty much spill most of their secrets for them. We all unintentionally give out information we thought we were hiding. Last night I had one guy tell me he had secrets and he is very hard to crack. He was not so hard to crack. On the other hand, this other guy was very open about himself and his life. I find honesty like that refreshing.While dark and mysterious may work on some level, it just simply does not work with OLD. And

For the first day back in the game, it hasn't been so bad. Really, it hasn't. I have actually had a couple of good conversations. Where will they lead? Who knows. But at least my only message wasn't from Mohamed looking for a friend. 

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Never say never  

Posted by Plain Jane in , ,

In my last blog I said I was done with on-line dating. Finito. Finished. And for a long while I was. But, as I said in that post, I say in this one: never say never.

I am back.

I am not even sure how I feel about it. So why did I go back? Well, suffice to say I am in a wholly different place then I was a year ago when I left the dating scene. I am not exactly where I want to be yet, but I see no reason to put dating on hold anymore. Besides, I am turning 30 soon. I am sure that has something to do with it too :-)

The world of OLD has not changed much since I left. Same ridiculous messages. For example;

"Wat type of man u want to have?"
"Good afternoon beautiful."
"Hey."

"Ther is sparks. Lol"

I got 8 messages within the first hour. I forgot the feeding frenzy that OLD starts out as. It slows down after awhile. After you become "old news" and a familiar face in searches. I am on okcupid right now. They have their own ridiculous version of tinder, where you just "accept" or "pass" on someone based solely on pictures. Its incredibly shallow...and yet I can't stop. Its like a car crash. You want to look away, but you just can't. I will be the first to admit looks are important. If there is no physical attraction, its just not going to work out romantically. That may seem shallow, but its true. So, I respect that (to a point).

Speaking of Tinder. I want to try it. Not for any real serious reason, but rather just to satisfy my own curiosity. I have heard so much about it. I have never bothered to pay attention until now. But since I am resurrecting OLD...might as well go big (or go home, as I say). It's give me more material to blog about anyway.

So stay tuned.
Who knows what I'll run into next.

PJ

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