Everyone communicates differently -this I know is true - but I think that there are some guidelines for writing the first message. The first message is important; it's the first impression in the on-line world. Basically, it's the equivalent of that moment when you're at a party and your eyes meet from across the room. If that person looks at you, sees a god-awful outfit, food in your teeth, and comes to find out that you have one of those annoying snorty-laughs - well, you know you probably wont make a connection. Same goes for the first message. You want your "eyes to meet across the room" and "see" someone who is well dressed and groomed and has a warm, enjoyable laugh. In other words, that you're articulate, interesting, and have more to say about them than they have a nice face and you'd love to tap that sometime.

....so, it should be a good impression.

I've been doing this online dating thing since October. I'm new to a lot of things, but messages aren't one of them. I get a lot of them. Out of all the ones I've received I've replied to maybe five. I am not extraordinarily picky (I have 3 musts: 1.) non smoker, 2.) minimal drinker, 3.)no drugs, 4.) must be a practicing Christian. Everything else is negotiable.). So why have I only replied to 5 out of...probably 25+ messages?

First impressions. The message is what I see before the profile. So you're profile could be the best in the world, written perfectly and designed exactly for my eyes, but if you're message goes something like this "heeeey baby, you look fine, hit me up so we can get to know each other"....well, then I will never see your perfect profile. Hey baby, you look fine? Seriously?

I am not the only one who appreciates a well-written message. I read an article that said that most women actually prefer a well-written message. It should include a nice hello (complete with an introduction of your name) and a little something about the person being contacted...something stated in their profile. This gives the indication that they actually read the profile and found something in it interesting (and didn't just view them as a cute face). The end should wrap up by saying you'd love the chance to get to know them further.

I even know that men prefer a well-written message. I know a guy who I actually met on okcupid.com. I'll write about him later (he is one of the good ones...he requested I call him "Brock" on here. I think he was kidding, but now he is stuck with it. hee hee). We share horror stories of messaging and he concurs. I share this with you to point out that even men find first messages important and want them to be written well.

Alright, so if you're reading, then you've already been told how to write a good message. But for those who are slower than others, I'll rinse and repeat. Say hello, introduce yourself, talk about something in the person's profile and end with something like "I'd love to get to know you better." Oh, and have correct grammar/spelling....very important.

Here are the things not to do:

DON'T...
-Tell people you're sick of not being answered. In the words of my friend Brock, it makes you seem undesirable. Remember, you are trying to sell yourself to this person - so don't make it seem like your some poor, lonely puppy that never gets fed.
-Use verbiage that suggests you are interested in one thing and one thing only. You may be (in which case, find a hooker, cause a dating website is for DATING), but you'll never get an answer from a respectable girl by saying "hey sexy, I'd love to hit that sometime."
-Tell a girl she is beautiful and leave it at that. Sure, its nice to be called beautiful, but I'd love to know that you find ME interesting and not just think I'm a pretty face. Studies suggest women would actually prefer you not mention looks in the first message. That way they know you are focusing on them as a person and not them their physical features. I know that I am less likely to reply to you if you tell me I have a beautiful smile or gorgeous eyes on the first email. I have heard it in almost every email I have received...it may be true, but it's not original and I'm tired of hearing it.
-

The Best (Worst) Messages
Here are some of my favorite worst messages that I've received :-) Enjoy
(p.s. these are verbatim)

"damn you look like one of those girls next door that i could turn bad, what do ya say?" (uh, gee, such a tough question.... I say no. that's what I say.)

"Has anyone ever consulted you to fulfill their BBW fantasies?" (consulted me? What am I, a hooker? Seriously.)

"Im going to keep this rather short because im tired of writing novels just to be ignored" ....(Dear Undesireable, I wouldnt start out a message that way. Or proceed to actually write a novel. Now you are telling me most girls dont want you and that you're a liar. Love, PJ) "you read it but didnt respond? not intrested then?" (wow, you're a quick one)


there were more, but sadly they got deleted.
Anyway, its easy to see why these didn't make the list of keepers :-)


I know I've focused mainly on the bad messages people have sent, so I thought I'd take the time to say Kudos to all the guys who did write a good message to me. Keep on writing them gentlemen, you're bound to find the right person some day!!! :-)

Well thats all I have for today.
-PJ