This blog is a little hard to write. Mainly because the guy I'm about to write about I happen to think we had a lot in common and I could have seen us with some sort of something....but write on I must.

So when I was brand new to the online dating scene I emailed this guy, Cole. He was cute and had a great profile. He seemed super nice and as it turns out, we had a lot in common. Not only that but he was good at conversation (something I am noticing many guys are not good at). We started emailing and it was a great experience. Most guys I message with aren't really good with expressing themselves with writing, but he was. So we would write these long emails, getting to know each other.

I didn't know the "rule" at the time. The rule, btw, is that if a guy is interested, he'll want to make plans with you. Most dating websites say four emails, a few texts and a phone call later and you should be meeting. After this experience, I actually agree with this...

but then I didn't know this. I didn't know anything in the online dating world and since he was the first guy I had really talked to, I thought maybe it was normal. So we email...and a few emails become a ton of long emails and suddenly a week becomes a month. And then he "ghosts." Or as I like to call it, drops off the face of the planet.

I was sad that he suddenly disappeared. After all, we had a lot in common and we talked so easily. So I held on....for four weeks. My first email said "I hope your ok." My second email said, "everything alright, its been awhile?" My third (and final) email said, "I hope everything is ok, but listen, if you don't want to talk, at least tell me, blowing me off is not appreciated." This time he did email me back and he apologized, said his absence had been because of an exciting dream come true, but now things were winding down and he hoped his life would get back to normal. A week later we resumed these great emails.

About another month goes by and these two other guys have come into my life (including the famous "just kickin it"). Both asked for my phone number relatively quickly and so I begin to think that maybe the way Cole and I have been doing things isn't the norm (we don't even have each others numbers!). So I research all this online dating stuff and find the "rule." I manage to work this into my email in a subtle way (well, not "the rule" specifically, but that its about high time that we meet). His response? 'Of course we'll meet, but the holidays are busy times, so it could be a few weeks.' I realize it was kind of a "we'll meet...eventually" type thing (blow off???), but actually, I whole-heartedly agreed, because I was crazy busy during the weeks leading up to Christmas. We still emailed though...

...and then he "ghosts". A.K.A. drops off the face of the planet. Again. This time it's just for a week. His excuse this time? He was super sick and his dream job was taking up a lot of time...but life would return to normal in a couple days and hopefully he'd be able to write me soon.

hmmmm. I was willing to forgive him the first time. I mean, a month is a long time, but I didn't have any other prospects then and I was new to the whole thing. Plus, as I said, we had a lot in common and I loved that we could talk easily. But now, my tune is changing...and here is why....

I've read lots of articles and advice columns that give the same bottom line: if he is interested, he'll make time. There is a very popular book (which was turned into a movie) He's Just Not That Into You that gives the same line....in fact, its one of my favorite quotes of the movie: "And, also, if a guy wants to see you, believe me, he will see you. I once called 55 'Lauren Bells' until I got the right one."

So not only has he not made time to email me (and really, how long does it take to write an email - even a short one saying, 'sorry, I'm sick and can't muster up the energy to stand up let alone write an email ;-)' or 'I have a lot going on with work, I'll try to email you later, but wanted you to know I'm still around')....but he really hasn't made an effort to meet me. And we've been emailing three months now.

He may be great on paper... smart, funny, cute, goal-oriented, etc, etc...but if he isn't going to make time for me now, then he sure as hell isn't going to make time for me later. Bottom line? I need a guy who wants to meet me and see if we click. Someone who wants to spend some time with me in real life. Someone who doesn't want to string me along for endless months...

There was a guy (James) who wrote me this past week and when I said, 'sure, maybe we will see each other at church' (he actually goes to my church, what a small world, huh?) he said "don't say maybe. If we want it to happen it will, no luck about it"

Sorry Cole...that was the final nail in your coffin.

-PJ