I am supposed to be reading. Or doing my taxes. But I can't. I just found a new online dating app and it's freaking awesome. And by awesome, of course, I mean its full of weird men, creepy men....and wait for it..... ONLINE STREAMING! Oh how did this girl get so lucky?

(I bet you are thinking, what, wait???)

These guys are literally sitting in their apartments streaming themselves as they do what they do (ick. not like that -  there are rules and apparently streams are periodically and frequently paused for review for that kind of stuff). Could this get any better though (for this blog, I mean)? Watching men be men in their own habitats? Only their own face streaming back at them....completely unencumbered by the reactions of women everywhere.

Stream# 1 - I am watching this guy ..... Clearly high and drinking. Did I mention high? Like higher than the empire state........ singing to some ridiculous rap song and talking about how ugly he is (he isn't really) and burping. And Jasmyn keeps saying he is so hot and so this ensuing argument is going on and on and on. It feels like watching teenagers. "No you're the hot one," "no you are" [enter annoying giggle here]. Jasmyn makes very little sense talking about her Popsicle-like body (and how she is the ugly one, not him) and this guy has no idea what she is saying, but he keeps talking anyway. Hell, I am sober and I had trouble following the conversation.

Stream# 2 - This guy I actually talked to for a minute. I asked him why he streams and he said its something to do. Then one of his users and he started talking about why he wasn't gay (because some guy asked him if he was...a) why would you bring that up to a bunch of women you are trying horribly to impress? and b) stereotypically, I can totally see why the guy asked). And then he wanted alcohol so he was looking to see if the store was open on Google maps and checked his bank account to see if he could afford some alcohol. Classy.

Stream# 3 - I didn't read this guys profile before clicking on his stream, so I had no idea who he was or what I was getting into (dangerous, I know). Turns out this guy is nice. He is from Europe, smart, well-spoken, and goofy at a humorous, tolerable level. Lets call him The Dutchman. He really was nice. Very gentlemanly for about 57 minutes. Nice, simple conversation. But even the nicest of men think about sex and that's about how long it took for him to ask me what color underwear I had on. *face palm* Dude, you were doing so well! I was actually impressed. I am not sure how we got to that question actually. Nothing nefarious was said before that. He is into the art of being subtle and going for the anticipation instead of the outright "lets fuck" kind of strategy; I guess that's how we weaved our way into that conversation. He never said anything like the usual suspects. Nice and smooth.

This live stream thing is an interesting dynamic because every piece of them is open and available to watch, but he can't see me or my reactions. Its like the perfect observation for a psych person (AKA me). And what makes it more interesting is how little I actually had to say. This is why silence is the best friend of police and counselors. People just talk and talk. They dislike silence, so if you say nothing, they will fill the silence. And what they say is usually so revealing. I feel like I got a good glimpse into the world of men tonight.

I think I am in love. Ha ha. The perfect dating site to.... well, not date, persay, but do exactly what I've been doing all along. Just let guys be guys and watch as they give themselves the rope and then hang themselves with it.

Also, The Dutchman gave me a fantastic idea as he rambled on about imagining our first date and then the second (and in his cute accent, "is that improper?"). My mother always tells me I should write a book. Especially when she reads my blog (yeah, yeah, she reads the crap all these men say to me). I always shrug off the suggestion, but now I think she has it right.... I should write a freaking romance novel. Because these guys are giving me all kinds of sexual scenarios and why waste such good editable material??? Its genius.

The Plain Jane Romance Novel Series.
Brought to you by dirty minds everywhere.