Every once in a while I write something about safety. I read this article and thought it deserves a post.
Online Dating Has Created a New Type of Sexual Predator
"It's a tricky situation," says Scott Berkowitz, the president and founder of the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), echoing the NCA study's wariness about the potential danger in the "increased trust and intimacy" that can develop in online relationships—a little more than half the reported incidents began with communication that included "sexual content" before a face-to-face meeting.
I have learned you don't talk about sex before you meet. Even casually. A real gentleman will respect those boundaries without me even having to set them.
It's also important to always let someone else know you're going on a Tinder date in case something goes bad.
They say a TINDER date, I say EVERY date. Before I go on a date I write down the name and number of the person, where we are going and what time. And I always, always, tell someone about my date, and check in before and after it's over. And I usually try and do this for the first few dates because there is nothing stopping a sexual predator for waiting and luring you into trusting them before making their move. Guys always think this caution is silly, but as a woman, its essential. Any guy who isn't okay with it never gets a date. If they aren't comfortable in making me feel safe, I don't want to date them.
I mock and joke about dick picks and sexualized conversation on here, but I take this stuff seriously if I am interested in meeting someone. So should anyone (guys included) when dating. It's just smart.
-PJ
I took a small hiatus from Skout, which was nice. And then I logged in. And bad messages happened. Of course I will share, don't worry.
My co-worker has joined the online world and the differences between the messages she receives and the ones I receive are like night and day. We compared messages. She gets creepy messages too, but they are more 'I want to love you forever' creepy and my are the 'overtly sexual' kind of creepy. The difference is the sites, of this I am sure. She is on match and I am on POF, okcupid and Skout. So, really it does matter which site you use; although I have never had success with match in a good way, and it's hard to justify spending a lot of money on something that has been consistently a bust.
Now that she is doing the OLD thing, we have a lot of conversations about dating. I've shared a few of the messages I get with my co-workers. If men only knew what a laugh my entire office gets when they message me...come to think of it, if men only knew what a laugh everyone on FB and on this blog gets....think it would deter them? Me either. Which is why this blog will exist until I get married, which, at this point.... well, you'll see.
[I think it depends on how you read this...my co-work thought "always make you come first" was a sexual reference. I didn't (how can I still be so naïve?). She likes to quote this one. If only he knew....]
[oh yes. I am just so eager to see your dick...get cut off maybe...]
[No. Just, no.]
[See above.]
When I said no, that same guy, asked if I wanted to make-out and snuggle. Of course I said no. And I thought I blocked him...yet a few days later, he asked me the same thing. Wanting to have sex. In Fort Collins. Although this time he refrained from saying making love and just flat out asked for sex. I guess I didn't block him. Note to self: block idiots.
Truthfully, I haven't kept up on this blog in a while. At first it was because I was excited about this guy I was seeing or started to talk to and then see, but then that didn't work out (gee, shocker). And now it's largely been because sometimes I get so tired of the small talk and beginning messages, and then all the working towards something that falls into nothing. OLD is depressing. Scratch that. Dating is depressing. Ah, well, I guess its the price we pay to find someone to love, eh?
Here are a few messages I have gotten recently:
"Hey. I love that we are both Virgins." [First of all, why is Virgins capitalized? Its creepy to me that out of all the things in the whole world that you could say, this is what you go with. And second, how on earth am I supposed to reply to that? I think you are assuming we are both virgins for the same reason and I am here to tell you we aren't. So, I am not jumping up and down excited about it. And also, let me just point out you're from way up north....remember on my profile when I said please don't contact me if you aren't local? How is it that you managed to find a tiny detail like my virginity status (which is not blatantly posted in my profile), but managed to miss this glaringly obvious fact about location. That I mentioned. Twice. No wonder you're a virgin.
So, virginity guy just said to me (after I said I don't really date outside the metro area anymore), "It's 30 minutes hahahaha! Sometimes it takes 30 minutes to go a mile in Denver traffic. If your not interested just say so don't make dumb excuse". To which I replied, "Sorry. I don't know what to tell you. It's not lack of interest [but it sure is now], It's listed on my profile, twice in fact."
This other guy I've traded a few messages with keeps mentioning marriage. Like, he wants to find his soul mate or spouse or whatever. Which is cool. I mean, that's my ultimate goal too. Of course, I don't say that right off the bat. Because that kind of shit is too much for the first few messages. And especially when you say you want 3-4 kids, but 5 or 6 max. My vagina hurts even thinking about having 5 kids.
Unfortunately for men everywhere who message me, I don't want to date someone who is on the search for their path. Which marriage guy also said (talk about overshare for the first few messages, sheesh). My favorites have been "i have no job because I'm trying to figure out who I am" and "I am trying to find myself and my path."
The last two guys I dated said they were "not ready" to date because they were trying to "find" themselves or "aren't ready" to be dating. Get off the freakin' website if you aren't ready or able to date right now. Find yourself first. And get a job. Because I am 30 years old and I don't want to date a person who doesn't have a job. I am beyond that now. And while normally all about finding yourself and I once had the patience for people who didn't know where they were in life, I have no more patience. I am tapped.
One of my next blogs will be a running commentary on screen names, because lately I have just seen some of the worst ones imaginable.
-PJ