I haven't gotten many messages from either skout or okcupid for a couple days. I think the universe is sensing how tired I am of hearing the same few things over and over ("hey gorgeous," "you're beautiful", "hey sexy,", "lovely smile",..... marry me) and was giving me a pause before continuing down this lovely road. I appreciate the radio silence because I am getting to a point were all of those messages sound disingenuous to me and I think that is the a hop, skip, and a jump away from being so jaded that I just don't come back from it.
I am going to break my anonymous rule...kinda. I have a picture I want to show, someones profile picture. I've cut off the eyes so it's not totally identifiable. This is one of those, how-could-you-ever-think-this-was-a-good-idea pictures.
[cause nothing says creepy quite like a skull covering the majority of your face. But, I think I would totally trust this guy not to kill me if he we met....never]
And of course there was the message that started out (and ended as far as I am concerned) with:
"I don't bite that hard. lol." So very charming and witty.
I also got a conversation that went like this:
"Hi how are you? Im italian and you are really nice and elegent." [He has no idea if I am nice and none of my pictures really scream (or whisper for that matter) "elegant." But he is Italian. So really, who cares?
There is more to this conversation, but I only snap-shot it after it got interesting. which was about 5 sentences in. So, here is the good part:
"Do you want to know what I do with that woman?" [ummmm....yes?]
"Tell me." [and I am bracing myself for some sort of sexual something, btw]
"Ad distance I used to buy u gift for her in internet and send her by dhl courier. When we met i cooked for her. cleaned hem home. Took in nice resutaunts and also i paid a holiday for her and her friend." [Forgive the bad English guys, he is Italian]
"And what happened to that woman?"
"She got married 6 months ago." [Imagine silence, then a couple cricket sounds. Wait. What?]
"Not to you though."
"Oh no. I knew she was engaged. U like dominating like her?" [ Forget the dominating...go back to the engagement...]
"So you had an affair with her and then she got married?"
"I knew that. No problem. I even paid for her wedding." [No way. I call bull shit. You gave this woman the world and then paid for her to marry some other guy???]
"You paid for this woman to marry someone else? Wouldn't your time be better spent finding someone you want to marry?"
"I love to be used. Submissive man. [huh.]
"I see." [and then I go. Because this is just weird on so many levels. Even for me and I work with weird for a living.]
I actually have gotten a few messages from men in different country who want to be dominated or want to "wine and dine" me. I have never had someone who has wanted me to use them in such a blatantly obvious way. And I cannot believe anyone would do that. I mean, I can believe it, because I know it happens, but I continually experience shock that a person could do that to someone. That is F'd up. And according to many men I know, women do this all the time for free shit. I do know one guy who did it to a girl. He'll remain nameless, but I had many a conversation with him about it in my earlier, more naive days.
I love these next few:
[I am not sure what strikes he meant...other than being a grown man with a lego man as a profile picture. Had he not mentioned the strikes, I probably wouldn't have noticed or cared. But if you point out the flaws.....]
[Damn....no. ]
[and really "get your fine ass over here?"]
[This is Agent Blue's. Oh Blue.]
Here is where they start to get really good:
[I just wanted to see where the conversation would go. Turns out he was serious. I guess that answers our fundamental OLD question: do men seriously think these messages will get them any. Men - you should be weeping for your gender right now.]
This one is the best. Hands down.
[It takes all kinds.]
But you know. They aren't all bad. I met a guy, who I'll call...Muscles (because seriously, he has beautiful arms, lol). He is super nice. We talk about a lot of different things and he is pleasant and respectful. I know. It's like the Holy Grail of OLD. Honestly, I would totally date him. He is not looking to date. Oh the irony. Now that, my friends, is the universe laughing at me.
Here is a guy who tried and I commend him for it. I didn't feel the need to take a shower after reading it. So, that's a plus in my book:
Stay tuned because I am sure I will have more later. Hopefully one day soon I'll actually go on a real date and will be able to tell real stories about dates and not just showing you the extent to which people will go to say hello.
-PJ
