Online dating has grown. It used to have a horrible stigma attached (actually, I don't think that's completely gone, but it's less), but as time as gone on, it's lessened. So, as you can imagine, with more and more people dating in the online world, it'0s only a matter of time before you "run" into someone you know.

Last night this happened to me. There is this guy I used to work with, we'll call him Harry. Last night Harry emailed me because he found me on POF. Small world. So, just out of curiosity I look at his profile. And it became so clear to me how a profile tells you so little about a person.............

So everyone considers the one bonus of online dating that you can read profiles and gauge how well a person might fit for you. I mean, think about it - a profile can tell you if a person is into kids or smokes. It can even go into religion, politics and finances (to a degree)...those are the major things you don't talk about in the beginning...things you can't look across the room and know about a person IRL, but can ascertain from a profile.

But this is only an asset if the person is honest. Personally, in my profile I am very honest. Maybe it turns some guys away, but the fact is, is that you know what you are getting when you read my profile. I think this is important, because the last thing I want is for us to get together and then you find out something about me that's a deal breaker for you and I don't make the cut. It's a waste of every body's time. So I believe in honesty.

To illustrate my point of why it's important, I'm going to bring in Harry's profile - because I knew Harry for 2 years and we've had so many conversations about dating/relationships and (so much more), I know him pretty well. A lot of what he says is true (kudos there) but some stuff...not so much. So my comments will be italics.

"1. I spend a lot of time going out to dinner with friends and trying new food. I also love to travel and go to the mountains, horse back riding and playing sports
2. I want to reach a point in my career where I am financially successful enough to travel and take care of those I love (this line makes him sound fantastic - what he doesn't let you know is that he likes girls to take care of him and buy him nice things. In fact, once he wanted his current girlfriend to buy him a $300 phone. When I asked what he would do if she didn't buy him it...he said he'd break up with her. yikes! Materialism isn't a selling quality, but if it's who you are, in my opinion, it's worth finding a way to mention).
3. I am very outgoing and honest. You will always know what I'm thinking and where I stand on issues (this is true. Harry is one of the most honest people I know; Now his honesty carries no tact or finesse, but he does say whats on his mind). . I have a good heart and care about other's comfort levels when around me. I am polite and have class. (Polite and Class are not the two words I'd use to describe Harry. In fact, I don't think they belong in the vocab of Harry because they can't be used to describe him in any way. Abrasive and misogynistic would be more descriptive.)
4. I enjoy all types of music such as country, r&b and hip hop.
5.I hope to hear from different people and eventually hope to find that one person who I have that "click" with. I need to feel chemistry with someone. I want that person to connect with me on a physical and intellectual level.

Ok, so most of what he says is true. But there are a few key points here that really matter: Harry is materialistic. He expects his woman to take care of him and buy him nice things. As I said above, I know that materialism isn't a good selling point - and no one is going to reach out to a guy who says it out loud...but it's going to be a rude wake-up call for a woman who starts to date him and then realizes this expectation is there and if she doesn't comply she may very well lose him.

The bigger thing to address is the "polite" and "class". I actually laughed out loud when I read this the first time because Harry is anything but polite. Especially in his thoughts about women. Although I can imagine Harry really thinking he is a polite, nice, guy with a lot of class...I really don't think a lot of other people would describe him that way.

So Harry is a prime example of a person not being what they seem online. If I read his profile without knowing him, I'd probably send him a message. He seems great on paper, as the old saying goes. But knowing him, I know that he isn't as wonderful as he seems. He is definitely not someone I'd bring home to my family to meet. Or my friends. But in his profile, he seems pretty great.

The simple fact is, is that people have a tendency to think the best of themselves and as a result, write who they perceive themselves to be. They put things they think are true, even if the reality is quite different...so how do we battle this in our own profiles? How does one make sure that what they write really shows who they are?

Have someone else help you write your profile. Make it a trusted friend who isn't afraid to tell you the truth (this way when you write something like, polite and class, they can be like...yeah, not so much. even more, they might be able to show you good qualities about yourself that you never knew you had). I had my brother help me. I wrote my profile and then had him look it over. He said he thought it sounded exactly like me with one caveat. I sounded a lot younger than I am. I would have never thought this, but reading it over again with a more objective eye, I could see what he is talking about. Aside from that though, I managed to give a guy a pretty good idea of who I am. Now, I will say that of course there are things about me that probably won't come out until later. A profile is meant to give you an idea of a person, not their whole character profile... but with the basics, I stuck to the truth...and that's important.

Bottom line? Stay honest. Saying something about yourself that isn't true (whether it be you're taller/shorter/fatter/thinner/etc or smart/average/polite/honest/etc....) won't help your cause. The person who meets you will eventually see the real you (especially when we are talking the physical sense) and once they figure out you aren't what you seemed online, it'll ruin your chances. So why lie? Why waste time? Just so you can appeal to someone on paper? It's the real date in the real world that is important - in the end, how you look on paper won't matter - it'll be how you are in real life that counts. Besides, don't you want them to know the real you and not some false image you created to land a date?

But that's just my honest opinion :-)

-PJ