"If it happens, it happens." I hate this phrase.

First of all its so passive. I mean, if it happens, it happens? That's like shrugging your shoulders and saying whatever, whenever. I don't know anyone who got anywhere in life by shrugging their shoulders and letting life pass them by. I sorta get it, I used to be a passive person, but my life didn't go anywhere until I got active about it.

Second of all...saying "if it happens, it happens" to a girl isn't exactly confidence inspiring. In fact, it's kind of like telling her if you see her you see her, but if you don't, well, it's no big deal. Wow, I bet that makes her feel real special.

Ok. So lets say you are chatting it up with a guy from a dating website. You've had a few messages and things seem to go well. So you are thinking, maybe it's time to meet in real life. He hints around at getting together too and so you suggest sometime next week and he says, "If it happens, it happens."

There are two ways to look at this.

1. He is just playing it cool. This is the way most girls want to look at it. He might think you are playing it cool because you suggested next week instead if this week so he'll play it cool in return. (Let me stop you right here. this actually implies guys think far more about these situations than they really do. So, this senario seems pretty unlikely. Maybe not entirely impossible, but about 98.9% so). Ok, so perhaps he is nervous and/or doesn't want to risk getting hurt or blown off so he is just acting like meeting you isn't a big deal. In all reality, it is a big deal for him because he is really psyched about meeting you.

-or-

2. HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Sure he said he'd meet you. Maybe he doesn't have anything better at the moment, so why not see what you are about? But if it doesn't happen, it really isn't a big deal because you aren't someone he is so into that he has to meet you asap (because lets face it, if a guy wants to see you, he isn't going to be passive about making that date!)

I will say I think #1 does happen. Maybe for some really shy guys or guys who have been burned by love a lot and convince themselves that no girl is worth that kind of effort until they've proven themselves worth it. I have never met the former, but I've come across a few of the latter. In either case though, these men are the exception.

#2 is the rule. Sorry girls. It pains me to say this because in my OLD experience has paired me with many guys who were not really into meeting me. Cole dragged his feet for nearly three months before things ended. James said, if we want it to happen it will (but hasn't made any effort after saying that, which tells me something right there!) Then there is Punctuation Paul, who, when I suggested we meet up sometime next week, simply replied with the exact phrase "if it happens, it happens" (that message is what sparked this blog, btw).

So guys. All the time we hear what women can do to snag a guy, but here is a little something for you to feast upon....be active. If you want to meet, get together sooner than later and make sure the girl knows you want to make a date. If you really aren't feeling into it, don't say, "if it happens, it happens." In fact don't waste your time (or ours!). No girl wants to be some guys B list or be the "Friday night girl when I don't have any other plans." It's not respectful. If you don't think I'll be your A-list gal or you don't want to set aside actual time for me, then lets not bother - cause frankly I don't want to spend time with someone who just isn't into me, but doesn't have any better options at the moment. I'm not a B-list kind of girl.

-PJ