I am feeling cynical. So, just remember that as you read this blog.



So I am back into the world of online dating and it’s going okay. I still get the most conversations out of okcupid.com. I did notice plentyoffish.com has this nice new feature where someone clicks on a button to tell you they want to meet you. I clicked some random good looking guy to see what happened. All it does is send an email to you stating so-and-so wants to meet you. Not exactly a lot of effort. Almost like you could click on fifty girls’ profiles and then sit back and wait to see which ones come to you. It’s lazy. Like the wink of match.com and eharmony.com. People who press these types of buttons don’t even get a looksy from me at their profile. You want to meet me? Show me a little effort. I am not a dime-a-dozen type girl.


I am also on match.com, but the most I get there is hello’s by men in their late 30s or men that are the stereotypical nerd that doesn’t have a prayer (yeah, I’m going to hell for that last statement). I am sickened this is the second time I have been on there, the second time I have paid for it, and still, nothing. I am not going to hurt my own-self esteem today, so we’ll just imagine the problem isn’t me. For the record, I have the exact same profile on each account. It could actually be an interesting social experiment if I cared to try it. But, let’s talk about others [it’s more fun]. I have been talking to threes guys pretty steadily for about three weeks. The first, we will call “Blue Eyes” because he has amazingly blue eyes; the second we’ll call “Looks-alike” because he reminds me of someone I know and the third we will call “Sunshine” because he is always sunny.


So, Blue Eyes is a good guy on paper. Smart, sense of humor, gives the vibe of interested, but not overly so. He has a good, stable job, makes decent money, and is on a no-sodium diet, so he even eats healthy. He is decent-looking; not the first guy I’d pick. He is one of those people you don’t initially see in the crowd, but a second glance around will tell you he has potential. He and I met up on Thursday night to build a bookshelf at my new office – it was a long running joke about Ikea that turned into a little date-like adventure. I thought things went okay. We laughed and talked. He talked more than me because a.) I seem to bring out the talker in every person and b.) I am not a sharer lately. Aware of this fact, I was conscious of making sure I shared enough to seem reciprocal and interested. But it turns out I am not ready for the guy who looks good on paper. My last boyfriend looked good on paper (and in real life) and he sort of did a number on me. I tried my best not to compare this guy with my ex and did great, until I remembered how much fun I had on my first date with my ex, and how completely average my time with this guy seemed. I realized all this post-bookshelf building (is that a date??). My first thought is I am not ready to date. Maybe I am not, but I could stay not ready to date for a long time if I wanted and I really do want to move on. I text him the next day (normally he texts me every morning – this is my fist sign things did not meet either of our expectations) and his response was a “hi” and then he ignored my second text. After my ex, I learned I really, really hate being ignored, so I crossed him off the list. Clearly I was not feeling it with him anyway. One should be excited to be a possible match; I was not.


Looks-alike is my second guy; interestingly enough not my first or second choice to date. I think he is just the second guy I want to weed out it appears. He seems nice. He looks a lot like this other guy that I would really like to date, but cannot (long story). You’d think that would say something to me right there. A big red flag, glaring out into the world. It does not (at least not in the beginning). His pictures make him seem goofy, and I like goofy. Honestly I could use some goofy. However, the more I text him the more I realize that he either is not smart or is not paying attention. Neither of these work for me. What works even less is that after he called me TWICE and I missed both calls. He text me after the second miss and said he’d stop calling because I did not seem “into it.” Both times I gave him a reason for the missed call; perfectly acceptable reasons I might add. Not perfectly true, but he doesn’t know that. I realized I am not excited to talk to him. I really should be. I thought that maybe my heart had not been in it (I really do feel guilty about talking to more than one guy at a time – I don’t know why, no one else seems to). So, I promised myself to try harder with him because I was not being fair writing him off so soon. I told him it was not that I wasn’t interested in getting to know him, but I am busy and not really a telephone person. This is perfectly true. He accepted this, we talk more. He asks me the same questions about my career that he already has asked me. I find this super annoying because I shouldn’t have to repeat myself to someone who claims to be really interested. We shoot the breeze a bit more. I ask more questions to him, give better answers on my end…. I realize I am STILL not interested. So, I think today I am letting that one go. I will say something to him because I know how frustrating it is to be left in the dark.


Sunshine is my third texting guy (but by no means my final). He my age and seems like a gentlemen. He asked if he could call me, which I feel like is old-school on the internet. It was sweet. He seems really happy. Like genuinely happy and enjoying life. I know the internet is a smoke screen, but you just can’t help but believing his cheerfulness. It has a childlike quality to it that I like (and also reminds me of the guy I’d like to date….but I’ve thought about this and think this is just a quality I am drawn to). We have not talked much, but I am far more willing to try with him than I was with the other two. So, we’ll see where that goes.



The Mocking Block.


Just two today….but two that I think are pretty priceless. One is a guy’s photo:



Because nothing says, “Come date me” more than a guy smiling with a hand gun aimed at the camera.



The second one left me this message this morning.

“How’s it going? Hope you’re having a great weekend. I really enjoyed reading your profile. Great to know that you’re a strong believer of Christ. How long have you been a Christian? What does your faith mean to you? Where do you hope to be in five years? Pray you have a great Sunday. Be safe out there. The roads are really icy. Prayers of protection be upon you!!!”

. Let’s be fair. He does sound nice. Nice and Christian. Nice and Christian and Churchy. How long have I been a Christian? What does my faith me to me? Where will I be in the next five years? Did I miss something? Am I applying to be a Christian wife or…..??? The guy actually looks like a slick player in his photo. No joke. If I were to see him in a crowd I’d think: player. Which is why I never judge a person by their picture (okay, honesty again, I try not to anymore). It is nice that the guy is praying for me….but the guy is praying for me. On a dating website the guy’s first email is that he is praying for me and playing 20 questions about one subject typically avoided for the first few conversations (well, except for the 5 year goal one…which is reminiscent of a job interview). I am no expert at dating, but I am pretty sure this has disaster written all over it. I just had flash backs of my date with Tim who told me college was the Antichrist and that I am too smart for my own good - the guy who practically screamed his belief about women belonging in the kitchen, barefoot and preggers. I’ll pass. I’ll pass nicely though, because he did say he’d pray for me.


Ah, the dating game. What a whirlwind of romancelessness.


-PJ