I'll never get tired of funny messages. And by funny, I don't mean hilarious...I mean good mocking material. Ok. Maybe one day when I am 40 years old, have 50 cats, am still single and waiting for Mr. Right to come, I'll get tired of messages that are scripted like the ones below. But until that day comes...bring on the mockery.

So who is first on the mocking-block today? It's keeper*** all the way from Westminster, Colorado (that will sound a lot cooler if you pretend I said it in a game-show voice).

Here is keeper***'s message:

...hey,....how are you? I am a naughty boy and am looking for some fun! There are so many fake people on here and i really hope your not one of them lol i have had these crazy messages like send me money to sibera so i can come be with you forever its so stupid how dumb do people really think others are, anyways i figured i will take the straight up approach so in that case..... I love to be spanked and love to be used and be taught that you are superior to me. I hope you like what you hear i am just tryin to be upfront and honest as i think that is better then telling you lies and then in the end it not being something your interested in :) hopefully i will hear back from you soon and you can spank me soon too :) talk to you soon!

Yes folks, just breathe it in....and three, two one....here I go.

Well keeper***, I think the first thing we must establish is that you are not, in fact a keeper. You see, keepers are ones who have a basic comprehension of reading. If you did have this fine skill, you would have read the part in my profile that pretty much flat out said no sex until marriage. You not only imply sex, but some sort of kinky s&m thing (you want me to teach you I am superior to you...that won't exactly be hard will it?)...yeah, I don't think so. And if that weren't enough, your picture looks like...well, like you just swallowed something nasty...not exactly a picture worth keeping either. So, after careful consideration, I think I will decline your request to...uh...spank you...and just not reply.

Next!

Haha, I really don't care that I'd never have a chance with you, but I have to tell you. You are the most amazingly gorgeous, beautiful, sexy girl I've ever seen on here! You're just a joy to look at :P

Well, of course, my cupid friend, I am amazingly gorgeous, beautiful and sexy - I am in the elite club on okcupid. Duh. But aside from that, all you get are my thanks. Not that you aren't a joy to look at too (really, a joy? you couldn't come up with a better word there?), but we don't seem to have much in common. Thanks for the compliment though. Oh and uh, not to sound cynical, but I'll eat my hat if you actually meant that sincerely (and don't say it to all the cupid girls).

Last one for the evening...

thought i'd hit you up and see if you want to chat sometime,
if interested let me know

A

You thought you'd hit me up? Really? Couldn't have phrased that one a little better? Perhaps after being called "amazingly gorgeous, beautiful and sexy" you really didn't have a solid chance...but something more than "thought i'd hit you up" might have at least made me give pause... as it is, zero points for originality and zero chance with me.


Well friends, it is my [humble] opinion that the elite club of okcupid isn't very special. I just did a search and I did not, in fact, see more attractive people. Instead, I saw the same people I always see. That isn't to say some weren't good looking...it is to say that most were...not. If this is what membership into the elite club costs...then being called "attractive" on this site isn't much of a compliment. I know a very manly woman with a deep voice who might even make the cut.

Oh single-hood at age 40 and 50 meowing cats...here I come.


-PJ