For the record, I have
gone out on a few dates so far. A couple have even been fun (shocking, I know). And if I
am to blog about the bad, its only fair I blog about the good. So here is the
good. Two guys, we'll call them Regis and the Behaviorist, have caught my eye.
We've been talking pretty regularly. Regis and I have been on two pretty
successful dates. I know I like him as a person and I don't mind sharing my
limited free time with him - so I think that means something. Are the sparks?
Chemistry? I don't know yet. I'm on the fence. I'm hoping some clarity will come soon. The other guy: the Behaviorist, sounds like a cool guy. More than cool, he
actually sounds a lot like me, the good parts, anyway. We haven't met yet and I
know all too well that sometimes what's on paper isn't truly representative of
real life. But I remain cautiously optimistic.
But we all know the
reason for this blog is to share the absurdities of the online dating world. I
mean, that is the entertaining part after all. And I will not disappoint today
because I have a couple of gems to share. These are all from Skout (things have
slowed down at okcupid)
Wow [enter my name here, which he
spelled wrong, btw] you are beautiful (13 emoticons of kissing lips). Another message a little later on that day with 3 more emoticon kissing lips.
How about this one:
I'm sure I am
"out of your league" but I'm not here for all that just looking to
chat so if you ever wanna talk get to know one another hit me up." [If
you’re not looking for that, why does it matter what ‘league’ I am in? And more
than that, don’t call attention to yourself like that! You are show casing with big bright flashing lights the fact that you have flaws. Not really the best first impression. Also, when you say these things you are telling the
person you aren’t confident – a big turn off for most everyone].
-and-
Hey pretty how are you
doing hope your having a great day you really look so gorgeous I will like to
know you better. [Is
punctuation a lost art? No seriously. Is it?]
Hey how r u? U r
pretty cute and would like to get to know u if you wanna do the same, just hit
me back :-) [I hate text speak.
It drives me crazy. U should b less lazy and just type it out. And for crying out loud, use periods and commas!]
Now how about some messages with a little interaction:
Him: "Waw. I like woman fat and have
belly."
Me: "I doubt women enjoy being called fat though, so you might
rethink your approach." [Sheesh. Seriously? Women rarely like being called fat. The
whole "BBW" name was invented because it is soooo much better then saying, “Hey fat girl. I
love the extra poundage. Let’s have sex!”]
Him: "yeah
I know. I like ur body."
Me: "Thanks. I think."
Me: "Thanks. I think."
Him: "Hey would you
give me an honest rating out of 10 if I send you a pic obviously. lol."
Me: "Um, I guess? [Because how can I not see where this goes? In
all honesty, I was thinking it was going to be an inappropriate picture (you
all know the body part I am talking about), but it didn't up being that. It was
an entirely appropriate picture of him (a solid 7, btw). I am getting cynical…or perhaps I just know the
kind of people this app attracts. Of course I assume all things sexual.]
Him: "Are open minded? ..... I have a different
kinda fantasy, might make you laugh." [And there it is. Sexual fantasies; I knew it would be
something sexual. Oh I am looking forward to this...] But I'm just
scared you might judge me or make fun of me for it." [I
would never judge someone for their personal preferences! Well, never to their
face anyway. But on the mocking block, all bets are off]
Me: "I see. Well, you'll never know until you
say it."
Him: "Ok well I love
it when white people are racist to me." [wait. what?] "it
actually turns me on. I firmly believe that whites are the superior race and
have my reasons, but yeah it also turns me on.” [Well, that was unexpected] It took
me a long time to come up with a reply. I mean, what does one say to that? I
went for diplomatic and told him that was a unique fantasy I’d never hear
of before. And then I blocked him.
One more of mine:
[Just looking at my eyes. Wow. I wonder if I showed him other body parts what would happen.]
Here are a couple from Agent Blue. I think this one is from Okcupid:
[A nice round plump booty. Well, I suppose that's a compliment. For someone. But its good to know he isn't just asking because of the booty. He likes her insides too.]
[Who needs to talk at all when you can be friends with benefits? Or better yet...silent friends with benefits.]
[Agent Blue told me to relay that all of these messages came one right after the other. She didn't even have time to respond to the first hello. Good god man, calm down!]
Another friend of mine (Agent Sparkle) will also be contributing material. We are branching out though because she isn't doing online dating, but real life dating. Nightclubs, bars....all the great places for inappropriate men to converge and harass women. It will be exciting. I will write her stories soon.
OLD never disappoints. Ever.
-PJ
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, May 19, 2015
at Tuesday, May 19, 2015
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