One of the most important things about dating is having confidence. This is true whether it is online or in real life. I don't think I have ever met a person who did not find confidence appealing (well, except for bullies and abusers, who seek out the meek on purpose). People rarely realize how revealing their profiles are. I can tell you 9 times out of 10 if a guy (or girl) is confident based on how they write their profile, the pictures they post, and the messages they send. I think it's important to keep that in mind when you're entering the world of OLD.

This guy messaged me about a week ago. It was a slow beginning. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good, how are you? blah blah blah....

...until his message: What do you think of my profile? That question was kind of sandwiched in between two other messages, so I didn't answer it. So we chat a little more about books and nieces and nephews and then...

How are you? What do you think of me? Well, buddy, I think I hardly know you. What the hell else am I supposed to say? You're the man of my dreams? My life wasn't complete until you came along? I think you're really awesome? No. I've known you about 5 seconds.

Confidence! Don't ask me what I think of you. It shouldn't matter - you should be content enough in your life without a love interest so that you want one, not need one. So if chatting me up doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, no big deal. That kind of attitude shows confidence in who you are, what you're worth, and what you want. Let me show you my interest by talking to you and getting to know you. Don't ask me what I think of you. That screams "I need validation" which does not suggest confidence at all.

I went to with tactful response ("I don't really know you well enough to have a solid opinion of you, but I like the fact that Hatchet is your favorite book and you like hanging out with your family"), but already I am less enthused about talking to him. But, because I know people can by shy or just not very articulate in their thoughts (and feelings), I'm going to continue to conversation. He hasn't said anything that would really make me say adios yet.

Of course, the mocking block wouldn't be complete without some continuous commentary on the messages I get that are....well, you'll see...:

"Super prudy profile pics you have a wonderful smile :-)"  - Well, I can forgive the lack of punctuation, but "super purdy." Really? I mean, really? Come on.

Bottom line here: Confidence is sexy. It's what gets people interested in you. And if you aren't confident now, fake it until you make it. You'll get there.


PJ