My dating activity has been pretty slow because I took myself off all the dating sites (as I am dating someone, yay!). Even though I am unavailable, I still want to be able to blog a little, so I turn to Skout. I should first point out that on my Skout profile it says I am only interested in friends and chatting. Apparently though, that doesn't really matter to people. I've gotten probably over 50 new chat requests. Most are that stupid, lazy "So and So Winked at you" crap. But I've had some real winners.

Here are some that weren't awesome, but they weren't horrible....they tread the fine line:

“Hello cutie, what’s up?”

“You’re hot”

“U r really really really really beautiful girl”

“Waw :)”

“Hiiiiii [Name]!’

“Wow, you are hott :) What are you up to??”

 “Up for no strings?”
"God you are so incredibly gorgeous [monkey face, smiley face w/heart eyes]."

"Damn you're cute"

"Ops hi [Name]. You have a nice name.] [um...thank you?]

And of course, the ones you all come here to see....

 [and if I have? Because I am pretty sure the scenario that is going on in your head has nothing to do with love. Or romance.]

 [This would have gone into the not terrible, but not awesome category, but then he had to speak again. And that really sealed his fate.]

 [yes, absolutely terrified]

 [that's a new one]

  [um....]

  [you know, I have ESP, so yes, I know, without ever meeting you or your best friend, that yes, we would become BFFs]

  [Yeah. Thanks.]

 [Oh goody. Just what I was hoping for]

 [This one isn't too bad. I've never heard this particular cheesy pick-up line before. Points for originality]

 [Well, thank you for telling me you're not going to call me cute, but will call me something else instead. Why couldn't you have just called me beautiful without saying you weren't going to call me cute? If only your long story had actually been short].

  [You got the whole picture here because there is just so much wrong with it. 1.) His sn is his name and HIS WIFE's name. Ick. 2.) The picture he chose is him in a family picture with his wife.Double ick. 3.) He is 63. triple ick. 4.) "Hi sexy".....from the 63 year old perv whose picture and name include his wife, calling me  sexy. The ick factor is just too much.

 [I hope this is large enough to read. It's been a long while since I've engaged in conversation with someone who has written me something regarding the awesomeness of his penis. It's so....refreshing...to see that somethings never change. Note my sarcasm here. I guess I have to point it out, cause apparently this guy didn't get it.]

It's a good thing I updated my pictures and got a chance to read through all these messages. I am going to go take a mental shower now. Possibly a real one too.

Blech.

-PJ

I will admit that I have had some good first dates followed by the typical rejection text message (cause no one uses a phone anymore). It's disappointing, especially when the guy you like seems awesome and you have a great time. Through all my online dating years, I've never encountered this, although, something equally not-so-cool has happened to me once. This woman handled it way better than me. I wish I could meet her and shake her hand. Cause seriously, his douche baggery and her response are both worthy of a PJ blog. Take a second to read it. And then marvel at how completely fucked up some men are.

Tinder Post-Date Disaster 


Moving on to other things. It's been slow on Skout. But that doesn't mean I haven't gotten anything. No. Men with no class are everywhere; there is no hiding from them. This one is from Blue:

 [Wow. Classy.]

 [How do I even respond to this? By ignoring it you say? Exactly.]

 [Lil cutie? Babygirl? No.]

Good news first:

Comfort/Safe   R
Able to communicate  R
Assertive  R
Confident   R
Good Looking R
Mature  R

That is not a bad list, I don't think. And I am flexible. These are not deal breakers because I understand people are always growing and changing. Someone can learn to communicate, or grow in self-confidence. People can cut their hair and shave their beard and that may do wonders to their image. Maturity can exist in one area of their life, but need development in another area. These are all fluid characteristics, I think. My deal breaks are:

1.) No current drug use (incl marijuana), no serious drinking problems  R
2.) Has to like dogs, since I now have one that will be with me for a very long time.   R
3.) Wants to get married (eventually) and wants kids
4.) Does not want to leave Colorado (my family is here, so I am here)."


The last two are up in the air at the moment for some very good reasons. So for right now, I don't consider them deal breakers. In any case, Mountain Man is amazing. Well, look at my list. I think he is all of those things in some way or another. If things keep going like they have been, I see myself with him for the foreseeable future. I think he feels the same (man I hope so anyway). We have some obstacles we have to work through, but he is the kind of guy that is worth it. He makes me smile. J

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Of course because the world is ying and yang, there must be some bad to off set all this good. Below you'll find the latest of Skout messages (for the time being, I'm off the actual dating sites).

  [Bad English aside....Epitome of beauty? Really? Come on. And oh yes, let me just give you, a complete stranger, me cell phone number in hopes that you what? Charm the pants off me and make me fall madly in love with you? More likely, you trace my number, come find me, and make me into some kind of creepy skin suit. I don't think so.]

 [Yes, it is bad. Because for all you know, I am a 40 year old bald, hairy man just on Skout for kicks (or something far more nefarious). I guess this might work for some women, and those women should definitely not be dating at all, but it does not work for me.]

 [What exactly does it take to be a fancy lady? ...oh.... super, super pretty. Not actually what fancy means at all, but whatever. And thank you for being kind enough to not send me a picture of your penis or any other naked part of your body. I appreciate the gesture. It's actually sad that I have to be appreciative of this because not sending a nude picture should not be the exception. It SHOULD be the norm. But on here, it just so isn't.]

  [Ah, fetishes. I just never tire of them. Of course, as I have previously mentioned, probably not the first thing you should bring up. But I guess if you're just looking for some sexting or actual sex....maybe it doesn't matter. I don't know. I think it's weird to be the first thing you say to someone.]

  [Too late buddy, the guy before you wanted me so badly. But I swear to god if the next words out of your mouth are "if it's wrong, then I don't want to be right." I will scream. At you.]

 [Sure. Please, random stranger, ask me questions. Let me guess - what size is my bra? How big are my breasts. Are they perky? What kind of panties do I wear? Do I actually wear panties? Are my toes painted? Would I let you put your face in between my boobs?  ... all questions I have been asked at some point. By strangers. I know I went to school for psychology. I know I am supposed to understand people and the way their minds work. I swear to God, I just do not understand.]

 [I am so nice, he asked me twice. And since I blocked his profile the first time, he actually just remade his profile and asked again. I wonder if a girl said yes, what he would say....damn. I should have said yes to find out. Well, perhaps he'll ask a third time. You know what they say, third time is the charm.]

 [Hmm is right. Help me out. Are you a vampire? Like whats the point of this picture. And really. Hmm? Come on. Actually, I wish I would have said "hmm what" to see what he said. Damn, I am off my game.]

 [Yes, you must be new. Because this is what you should put on a dating profile, not in a Skout message. And please, give me your life history. I am so very interested in your child and your dead wife and your parents and the place you grew up and blah, blah, blah. Considering what most people use Skout for (re: SEX), I don't think they want to know this stuff either. Try again.]

 [You're not good at this first message thing? You don't say? I would have never guessed from this. Blessings and failures and promises of love, joy and forgiveness. You sound like the writer of a Hallmark card. A writer who was fired for writing shit like this.]

This is Blue's gem of the week:

  [Maybe this is just me, but if you want to get to know someone better and not just hook up, I'd leave out the part of having a nice round plump booty and any mention of hooking up. They might otherwise think you are full of shit.]

Before I close, Blue found a joke that kind of perfectly describes OLD. 

(https://ifunny.co/fun/OjtXARC73)

Ha ha. Exactly. 

-PJ

Usually every blog post is a mockery of people who have messaged me (or Agent Blue) with ridiculous messages...and I will get to that (because it never ends). But I did want to start out with positive news (on this blog? What?)

I had a date last night with a nice guy. No, I mean it. He was nice and respectful and sweet. A mythical creature I was sure did not exist. And our date? Fantastic. We went bowling. It's the first fun date I have been on. Ever. (Wow, that is sad - I mean, I guess I have had other relatively good dates, but not fun ones like this). Of course, there was that nervous awkwardness that every first date produces, but it was like, a good kind of awkwardness. The kind you have when you want to impress your date and want things to go really well. And there was a good night kiss, for all of you wondering. A good one. ;-) . And talk of a 2nd date. Yay!

So I have managed to fine one good guy online. But for every one guy, I have been approached by 100 weird, creepy, or gross men. And what would my blog be if I didn't share those joyous experiences?

 [Again, really?]

 [Um, thank you?]

 [Yes, yes I am. Thanks for pointing that out.]

 [Wait. How sexy?]

 [A for effort. Some pick-up lines are humorous (albeit cheesy)]

 [Sigh.]

 [I read that right...right? "I am not looking for something that is courteous I want know if you don't mind? .... not courteous. Wait. Is this the slave guy???]

 [Um......WTF?]

I do not get men. I am told their brains are more logical than women, more practical. So I just don't understand any of what follows. These all came to Agent Blue within the last couple days. Weep for the men of the world, my friends. Weep for their complete stupidity.

  [I would like to point out that I got almost the exact same message from the same guy a little over a month ago (May 14th).  No originality. At all.]

 [Dammit Agent Blue, why couldn't you just have said thank you to a compliment? And you wonder why guys are dicks....wait! I guess this guy has the answer to all my blog posts. It's OUR fault these people keep messaging us ridiculous content. Instead of just taking the not-so-subtle hint, they just keep going and going and going. We should be stopping them. That's like saying a woman wants to be sexually assaulted because she wore a skimpy outfit. She's asking for it. God. What an F'ing ridiculous comment.

 [Ummm.....nope. I got nothing]

  [No. Seriously, No. There is no circumstance on this planet, or in the entire universe, for that matter, that would make this message okay in any way, shape, or form. Just No.]

  [Well, it started out as not bad. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't good, but I've definitely seen worse. That second half of the message....well, he went from sorta stalkerish to just downright disgusting. So, let's review. After you message someone telling them they have magical eyes and are the prettiest girl in the world and they don't answer you...that would be the time to stop and cut bait. Not to continue by further telling them, "missing you."  You are already blurring the lines between weird and creepy. But on the off chance that you STILL don't get it, after sending them a message that says, "watching your pic" (which does cross that line and moves you way over into creep territory) .... if that doesn't elicit a response from them, YOU DO NOT SEND ANOTHER MESSAGE - ESPECIALLY TELLING THEM YOU MASTURBATED TO THEIR PICTURE. 

I have to admit that sometimes I get some decent messages. Perhaps a little unoriginal or cheesy, but overall they are nice. They make me believe there are some decent males in the world. Somewhere.

"Hi. I know I've messaged you before, but you are so so so so pretty. Hope to hear form you someday."

"Hey how are you doing? I just wanted to tell you that I think you look really beautiful and I would love to get the chance to talk to you. If you don't mind."

I also get the weird ones:

 

It turns out that guys in Hawaii and exactly like the guys who message me in Colorado. Last week I spent a few glorious days on the big island and while I was there, my intention was to not get on Skout at all - take a vacation from all dating-related things. But since I have someone that I talk to frequently on there and I was sharing pictures of my adventures, I stayed logged in. Not sure that was smart. Originally, I was going to do a blog entirely dedicated to Hawaii...but then I noticed this pattern that started to emerge in HI and then followed me back to CO. If someone messages me and I don't either message them back or block their name, they keep messaging me. I guess my hint of showing my disinterest by ignoring them is too subtle. Who knew?

Guy 1

"What's up?" [6/9, 8:54pm]

"What's up?" [6/11, 6:11am]

Guy 2

"What's up?" [6/11, 8:31pm]

"What's up? Wow" [6/13, 1:52pm]

Guy 3

"Hi "              [6/13, 1:59pm]

"What's up?" [6/14, 2:32am]

The above were the least of the ridiculousness. Oh, just wait...

 [I almost wrote back no....]

 [It's hard to read, so let me just tell you he messaged me 6/12, 6/14, 6/15 and 6/16 Really? Take a hint buddy.]

 [Yes, I am shy. That's it.]

 [Am I behaving myself? I won't even comment on the rest.]

 [And the sad thing is, he is just hitting the "wink" button, over and over, and over. LAZY.]

 [*sigh*]

 [If I didn't answer the first time, assume the answer is a solid No. Don't wait 3 days and try again.]

 [I didn't answer the first time...clearly you should message me again and send another photo.]

 [This is getting creepy.]

 ["You don't like to talk to me..." If it's that obvious, why on Earth would you say "Hi" 2 days later?]

As if those weren't enough (and they so are), here is a list of initial messages I have gotten within the past month...if it's on this list, it has been said to me at least twice (either directly as I've quoted it, or some very similar variation].

"Hi [sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, doll, cutie]"

"your super cute" 

"I have to say, you're very beautiful."

"Hey. :-) How are you?"

"Pretty"

"You are very pretty. u have a gorgeous smile."
"Looking good ;-)"

"Hi"

"Hey wanna chat?"

"chat?"

"beautiful smile"

"Like your curves"

"Really nice smile. would love to chat."

"Hi sunny girl" [my sn has sunshine in it]

Oh, before I forget, I've reached a new age record.....the youngest guy to message me is (still) 20. 

And the oldest guy to contact me is now 48. His great opening line was, "Pretty."
I guess age knows no bounds when it comes to being unoriginal.

-PJ