Cool guy and I are still talking. Mr. Gotham City my friends and I call him. He is cute and nice. We having been texting about a week. I don't know when we'll meet. We haven't really hashed that out. He lives about 30 minutes south of me - the only negative so far - and only because almost everything I do, I do 30 minutes north of me...which is like an hour drive to hang out with my friends or go to church with me (not that we've gotten that far, I'm just saying in a hypothetical situation). Who knows what will happen.

At this moment, I am more interested in talking about this guy who indicated he wanted to meet me (a new plentyoffish feature that I find rather annoying. Now instead of sending a message, they can just click a button that says they want to meet me. Well great - so what? You want to meet me...and??? ah, but I digress).

Here is this guys profile. My comments are in bold today. (as a pre-cursor...he is divorced. and really, its not hard to see why....and how that probably was a key ingredient to the creation of this profile....so enjoy)

What happened to women wanting a man that won't cheat, treat them with respect, is very stable, has a great personality, and can make you laugh at all times? I have met very few women on this site that are not superficial ****'s.wow. what a way to start a profile off. I've known you less than a minute and I already know you have some deep seeded issues about women. makes me want to keep reading

Too blunt for you? no, but possibly a little too honest/revealing for YOU Move on. seriously tempting

"I don't do drugs but I am 420 friendly" Give me a break, pot is a drug and if you can't smoke it and realize that you are a fool. great opinion, actually one I think too....but again, may not be the best forum to discuss your [obvious] issues with pot smoking.

I am NOT 420 friendly nor am I crack, coke, LSD, meth or any other illegal drug friendly so go away. so go away? I mean, this will definitely make a drug user get off your profile page quickly - then again, it probably will make everyone else go away too. Lets face it, the only reason I am still here is so I can put you on the mocking block later. Not a good sign for you

Why do women on this site say that their kid or kid's are the number one priority in their life? If the men on this site are not intelligent enough to already know that they are a waste of skin. So can we please cut back a bit on the "my kid is number 1"? ;)so now you've offended the drug users and the single moms. Dude, you are turning out to be a real catch.

I would guess if you are still reading this you would guess I am a very angry person. you took the words right out of my mouth That is the farthest thing from the truth wow. buddy. can we say denial?so say hello and let us rock this ****! gee, and after such a lovely written, heartfelt profile...I think I'll pass


Oh....oh boy. I don't think such an angry man should be dating. It says he is divorced. I may not be a licensed therapist [yet] but I am going to go ahead and say that his unresolved issued should probably get resolved first. Clearly he has many of them. With drug users, mothers, men, people in general. I just don't understand how you write a profile like this and honestly think you are going to win someone over - I mean...I would never even meet a guy who sounded this angry. I might eat my pasta the wrong way at dinner and he'd attack me with a butter knife. Yikes!


Ah, plentyoffish. You never disappoint.

-PJ

Well, I've done it. I've caved. I know I said I'd never pay for dating - but I joined eharmony.com. *sigh* Not that paying is a bad thing - it just says 'desperate' to me. But I guess it's not really. Quality vs Quantity and all. Perhaps eharmony will deliver. Although, from what I've seen so far...well....

Anyway. My message tonight comes not from eharmony, but from everybody's favorite: okcupid.com. This is the site where all but one of my lovely stories comes from. Real choice guys here....and because I just was left a little speechless by this guy (I swear he as ADD or something).....

"Hi there! You the age your profile says Or did you lie to make a profile here? uh...well aside from the horrible English. Why would I lie? And do my pictures really make me look under 18. Let me answer that - no they don't. If your the age your profile says, would you be available to get to know and talk to as a friend online? well, I am not lying. I am, in fact, my age. And I gotta say, friend, I'm not really feeling like our friendship would survive. You did just ask me straight off if I was a liar. Someone has issues in this friendship and it's not me.Or do you base that on looks as well as age? I was so tempted to go look at his picture when I read this line. I resisted....wait. But now I am curious.......wow and suddenly it all makes sense. Why no bf? well, gee, friend, I don't know. It must be my young age that's the problem. Or maybe all that lying.what do you do for a living? Or are you in school still? remember when my profile said both what I did for a living and that I was in school. Remember that??? Do you use any messengers to talk on, since doubtdful you wouldn't text a guy interested in you huh? yeah...no I don't instant message people. And I don't give out my phone number to creepy people. And besides all that, you used a double negative - implying I would text you. English isn't your strong suit is it? How often you online? how is this relevant to anything? Care to add me as a friend to talk on myspace Im if your available....uh, my trampy little sister told me that myspace was the new booty call."

Oh man. It was hard to read it the first time. And the second time I was just shaking my head. Now, I know from experience that it's hard to strike up a conversation, so props for that. But seriously...if you are going to....try not to accuse them of lying right off the bat. Oh. And leave all your issues at the door. I don't have to be an almost-therapist to know you have unresolved feelings toward your last 'friend' and text message buddy. Seriously.

Another guy messaged me (different site, same old story) and asked me if I were dating a guy if I would reconsider the whole sex before marriage thing. Yeah buddy. Just for you, I'll consider it. *rolls eyes* Why would I reconsider it just because I'm dating someone? The whole point is waiting until AFTER marriage, not during dating. I am not just trying to avoid being a first-date slut or something. There are some faith-based principles here. Did I not make that clear when I talked about God being important in my life?

On a more pleasant note. On a different website (a Christian one) I am talking with a guy (notice I'm not myspacing him) who seems pretty cool. I will keep you updated.

Until then......
-Sarah

There was potential.
At least on paper. Which, I think, is half the problem with online dating. Because someone can seem so great on paper, but when you meet them - it's...well...not great.

This is the case for me. Yes. I had a date with a guy. I didn't say much about it to anyone (except my best friend - because a.) I need a little support and b.) if the guy turned out to be a serial killer, i wanted at least one person to know who the guy was and where to start looking). Anyway, the date was with this guy, who I'm going to refer to as "Mr. Personality" and since I often name guys in a mocking way, that should give you some idea as to how this played out.

So we get there and its awkward. And that, I think, is normal. So we start chatting. I think he thinks my personalized license plate it weird. He made some comment about how he has never seen anyone put their nickname on a license plate - the tone wasn't joking or conversational...it was sort of judgy. Of course now would be the perfect time for me to mention that what's on my license plate is not, in fact, my nickname (he just assumed). But I digress.

So, the waitress asks inside or outside. He doesn't say anything. For a moment it's like the crickets chirp. So finally I say 'inside' and for the rest of the night he keeps looking outside and comments on how awesome the outside patio is. Well, if you wanted to sit outside, you should have said something! The waitress was asking YOU! Oi vey.

So we sit down (chivalry may just be dead, no pulling my chair out or whatever those chivalrous guys are supposed to do). And we sort of glance over the menu and he asks me a couple questions and I ask him a few. And he orders us an eggplant appetizer (he didn't ask if I wanted it, he just ordered it). And the questions kind of continue. But its like if he asks a question and I give him an answer, there is no follow up, or any really interest. Thats just the end of it. It's like obligatory that he asks whatever he asks and then that's it. And when I ask a question, he'll answer...but when I try with the follow up questions (I, fortunately, do have conversation skills) he sort of gives like unpassionate, answers that last about three seconds and then...silence.....

And then there is the whole eye contact thing. I like eye contact. I think it's important in a conversation. But his was uncomfortable. Intense. Really intense. And in the silent moments it was like he was just intensely staring at me. And not in that romantic way that makes you get all gooey, like the guy only has eyes for you. Like in that way that makes you feel all squirmy and your brain shuts down because your so focused on the uncomfortable, never ceasing look that you can't think of anything else to say.

So dinner was awkward. And we skipped dessert. In fact, thinking back, he ate really fast. And I boxed up half my dinner. And then we walked outside (oh, yes, he paid, which was nice) and then we gave a quick hug and that was it. I imagine, if I was me, watching myself from a far, I'd have thought I couldn't have gotten out of there quick enough. Which is so true - because I couldn't have.

So Mr. Personality is not a go. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I wasn't as excited about this date as I was with the guy from before (and I don't mean to compare the two - just to say that I was more intrigued by the other guy before I met him...and our date went about a thousand times better). I guess I am a little bummed that it wasn't an awesome date and there is no potential for future dates...but on the overall, I'm ok with it.

I haven't been left hopeless though. I think someday my prince will come (sorry, that was a movie quote). Although the one other guy that has been emailing me just told me he has no plans to return to Colorado (he moved for awhile for work). Honestly though, if you knew that was the case, why start a conversation with me anyway? But I'm going to keep on keeping on with this OLD thing...maybe one day....

of course I'd still prefer the 'eyes meet from across the room' sort of thing...but I guess, for now, I'll take what I can get.

-PJ

Christian Dating websites.... well...let's see....

So far I have not turned up much success. I mean, I've gotten a few messages. None of them have been from guys in Colorado (well, ok, maybe one). A few of them have been old enough to be my father. Yes. You did read that correctly. Old. Enough. To. Be. My. Father.

One guy was 37 and lived in WA.
Another guy was 21, and his profile made no mention of where he lived. But his name was...well, you know I protect the guilty, but lets just akin it to Rostyslaw and let it play out in your imagination.
The third guy, though in my age range, lived in British Columbia.

...those were just the "smiles" (so lazy!)

The guys who messaged me:

Thirty year old - Florida
"your profile has caught my attention and i am looking for a relation"
A relation...seriously? More like - No speakie any english...

Next -
23 year old from Florida:
your profile really got my attention I see you are from Colorado that's way i cool currently i live in Florida. I would like to get to know you more if possible
Whats with the Floridians wanting to chat with the Coloradans...I mean, its like an entire country away from here. Are you moving to Colorado? Cause maybe then I could see it...but otherwise....what's the point? I didn't ask for a pen-pal.

The other guy was 32 - but miraculously from Denver. His message was much like all the other ok ones - you're pretty. blah, blah, blah. nice smile. blah, blah blah.

And that's just from one website. The other website featured a guy who was 55. Yuck. He put me as a "favorite." Double yuck.
Okcupider's sent out creepy messages sometimes, but at least they were in-state and (mostly) in my age range.

Ah, yes, well. I guess I can't have everything.
Or anything - as the case may be.

I just don't understand men. I seriously don't. I mean.....55? Really? Florida? Really? Come on. Where are all the good Christian guys in MY state who are in MY age range? Why aren't they answering me? (Uh, maybe you shouldn't answer that). Seriously. I like myself and all, but I'm starting to develop a complex that all I'm worth is a creepy 55 year old guy from Florida that more than likely speaks very little English and his wayyyyy past him prime. Yikes.

Man, this whole dating thing better turn out to be worth it.
I have a feeling that at my wedding, my first dance song will be "At Last" by Etta James... ;-)

-PJ

June 29, 2010: To be perfectly honest, there is nothing common about that lovely smile of yours:) It is positively enchanting.
June 29, 2010: yea, that cute smile is anything but plain there miss Jane. I think you are quite cute, and although some may think weight is an issue, it only bothers me when I hear complaints about it. You seem very happy, and that kind of attitude is a true delight to be around, so I would love to get to know you a bit and see if we might share a connection. Feel free to write anytime, I'd love to hear from you :)
July 5, 2010:Seriously, that smile is truly something to behold :)
July 25, 2010: I may be outside your requirements, but that smile is more than worth any drive, if given a chance :)
July 30, 2010: Well you are a very down to earth lovely woman. Nothing plain about you at all, all quite impressive really. Its rare to find someone who not only loves what they do, but is driven to pursue and improve themselves like you are is something to admire:) I also have respect for your desire to wait till marriage, that is a tough decision especially these days. I have pretty good control of myself, I reached a point long ago where sex doesn't rule my life as it does so many. Well I will leave this at you seem like a very special woman, and I would be honored to take you out sometime and get to know you. I think we share a lot in common, and I am curious where this all could take us. Feel free to write anytime, I would love to hear from you.
August 9, 2010: "Wink"
August 9, 2010: Added to his favorites list
August 9, 2010: Hello again. I used to work security in a hospital, so I have a few stories of my own to share :) I tend to quote a lot of movies and songs as well, but rarely does anyone I know get the reference unless I explain it. So I don't get the same responses you do. The photo project of yours is pretty interesting as well, I am curious how you got into it?

The first time I saw this guy (message #1), I wasn't super impressed. Sure, his message sounded nice, but his profile didn't jump out at me in any great way. I just sort of brushed him off and went on with my life. And then came message # 2. And then #3. I should have had the good sense here to write him and tell him that I wasn't really interested. I didn't. And them came messages #4 and #5. Messages #6, #7, and #8 all came in one day. Persistence is cute....persistence is like, three messages. At eight...he is just stalking me. Wonderful.

I did have the good sense to block him after the 8th message however. So, #8 will be his last (oh happy day).

I am at a loss for words here. I don't even know what to say (and really, how often does that happen?). I don't know how any person would keep writing messages when the girl didn't reply a single time. Uh....can't he take a hint?

So - lesson for the day? If she doesn't write you back - She's just not that into you.

I have been doing a lot of Quickmatch and Quiver matches on okcupid. I don't hold out much hope though. This one guy rated me 4 or 5 stars. I rated him that too. It's always a nice feeling when you realize the two of you rated each other high - definite potential.

Well...

Except for when I read through the "two of us" section (which, btw way, compares our answers to questions the website poses) and I see this:

"would you have to sleep with someone before you marry them? His answer: YES.

Wait. What?

" I feel like God's "better life" for me includes waiting until marriage to have sex. If you have a problem with this or don't see yourself being able to respect my decision, then we probably won't be dating."

The above is literally the copy/pasted quote of what is in my profile. So, Mr. 'I'm Not Waiting', if you've read my profile and know I am waiting for marriage, how could you possible rate me 4-5 stars when you have no plans to wait for marriage??? How could you possible think we'd ever been a good ok match? In my world (and hopefully in the actual world) that doesn't even make sense. This leads me to believe that you either a.) didn't read my profile or b.) thought I was joking. You know. About Jesus.

Awesome.
My faith in the male species is slowly dwindling.

I have decided to try my luck at Christian dating websites. I figure I might get a little better response - perhaps, since waiting for marriage is asked of us in the Bible, Christians just may be a little more...open to the idea.

Well, these websites look far less sophisticated than okcupid, but you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Indeed, I have already received two messages and I only put my profile up a few hours ago. Of course neither of these people live in my state - so, sort of a draw back there... but I remain [cautiously] hopeful.

There are less people on these websites though...and most Christian ones aren't free. I've found two acceptable free ones though. The other (fee based) ones attract more people, but then again, they charge money. I'm only 25 - I haven't reached a point where I am desperate enough to pay someone a computer to find me a date. Maybe when I'm 40 with multiple cats and lonely Friday nights....but right now - free is the only route for me.

So we will see how it goes. No doubt more fodder for this blog. (I've been wondering what sort of bad karma dating points I'm racking up with each entry. I can only imagine the bad dating juju I am going to incur from them. Perhaps my stalker should be warning enough for me to quit....nah).

-PJ

I just got on plentyoffish for the first time in awhile and noticed this under my matches section (notice the bold)

"The average person on this site has about 1000 people they could date with in a reasonable distance. To make your search easier on this page we only show you men whose income is equal to yours or higher (In only 5% of relationships is a woman's income significantly higher than a mans). "

Hmmm. My initial thought is if a man can't handle that I make more than him....he has issues. Seriously. It's the 21st century.

Maybe that's too feminist of me (but I mean really? really?)...what if I want to date an artist (yes - i'm using a stereo type to prove my point), who probably makes next to nothing, where as I make...well, a little more than next to nothing. This stupid statistic (and therefor matchmaking filter) means I'd never find him as a match. Well, that seems rather stupid.

Dislike POF. Dislike.

-PJ

p.s. the same guy has messaged me 4 times on okcupid..... I'll post his messages later - but seriously. take a hint!

Alright. I concede. It is not as easy to write a message as it seems. I know I relentlessly mock some guys for their lack of writing abilities and perhaps this is part of my seemingly bad juju at dating. I don't know. I can't seem to help it though - most of the letters are quite bad (and at least I hand over proof!)

But today I am bored at work and I have discovered my okcupid app seems to work when connected to the wifi, so I was looking at my matches. Curiously, only one guy's picture came up (the rest wouldn't load). He was a guy I've been thinking about messaging for a couple days...so, taking this as a cue from fate, I messaged him.

I actually sat there staring at the screen for a minute, marveling at the irony of the situation. I did not know what to say or how to phrase a message to a perfect stranger. What could I say that would grab this man's attention and set me apart from the other girls? Should I be witty? Should I be sweet? What should I do?

And it dawned on me that all these men that I mock possibly have these same questions in their minds as they write me. Hmmmm. Interesting.

If I am at all honest with myself (or you fine people), then I will admit that these feelings of empathy are probably going to be short lived. As soon as some poor guy messages me I will rack up some more bad juju and write about them in here, mercilessly mocking their inability to write a good, original letter. It's bound to happen. I'm just saying.

But until that day comes (and we all know it will) I will empathize with guys who write these letters. They really can be difficult to phrase.

...but speaking of bad letters, I got a particularly cheesy one today:
"Hey there! You're not plain at all... Smart, pretty, sexy... A triple threat!"

I sort of akin it to this one to:
"I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons."

So that empathy lasted long ;-)

-PJ