There was potential.
At least on paper. Which, I think, is half the problem with online dating. Because someone can seem so great on paper, but when you meet them - it's...well...not great.

This is the case for me. Yes. I had a date with a guy. I didn't say much about it to anyone (except my best friend - because a.) I need a little support and b.) if the guy turned out to be a serial killer, i wanted at least one person to know who the guy was and where to start looking). Anyway, the date was with this guy, who I'm going to refer to as "Mr. Personality" and since I often name guys in a mocking way, that should give you some idea as to how this played out.

So we get there and its awkward. And that, I think, is normal. So we start chatting. I think he thinks my personalized license plate it weird. He made some comment about how he has never seen anyone put their nickname on a license plate - the tone wasn't joking or conversational...it was sort of judgy. Of course now would be the perfect time for me to mention that what's on my license plate is not, in fact, my nickname (he just assumed). But I digress.

So, the waitress asks inside or outside. He doesn't say anything. For a moment it's like the crickets chirp. So finally I say 'inside' and for the rest of the night he keeps looking outside and comments on how awesome the outside patio is. Well, if you wanted to sit outside, you should have said something! The waitress was asking YOU! Oi vey.

So we sit down (chivalry may just be dead, no pulling my chair out or whatever those chivalrous guys are supposed to do). And we sort of glance over the menu and he asks me a couple questions and I ask him a few. And he orders us an eggplant appetizer (he didn't ask if I wanted it, he just ordered it). And the questions kind of continue. But its like if he asks a question and I give him an answer, there is no follow up, or any really interest. Thats just the end of it. It's like obligatory that he asks whatever he asks and then that's it. And when I ask a question, he'll answer...but when I try with the follow up questions (I, fortunately, do have conversation skills) he sort of gives like unpassionate, answers that last about three seconds and then...silence.....

And then there is the whole eye contact thing. I like eye contact. I think it's important in a conversation. But his was uncomfortable. Intense. Really intense. And in the silent moments it was like he was just intensely staring at me. And not in that romantic way that makes you get all gooey, like the guy only has eyes for you. Like in that way that makes you feel all squirmy and your brain shuts down because your so focused on the uncomfortable, never ceasing look that you can't think of anything else to say.

So dinner was awkward. And we skipped dessert. In fact, thinking back, he ate really fast. And I boxed up half my dinner. And then we walked outside (oh, yes, he paid, which was nice) and then we gave a quick hug and that was it. I imagine, if I was me, watching myself from a far, I'd have thought I couldn't have gotten out of there quick enough. Which is so true - because I couldn't have.

So Mr. Personality is not a go. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, I wasn't as excited about this date as I was with the guy from before (and I don't mean to compare the two - just to say that I was more intrigued by the other guy before I met him...and our date went about a thousand times better). I guess I am a little bummed that it wasn't an awesome date and there is no potential for future dates...but on the overall, I'm ok with it.

I haven't been left hopeless though. I think someday my prince will come (sorry, that was a movie quote). Although the one other guy that has been emailing me just told me he has no plans to return to Colorado (he moved for awhile for work). Honestly though, if you knew that was the case, why start a conversation with me anyway? But I'm going to keep on keeping on with this OLD thing...maybe one day....

of course I'd still prefer the 'eyes meet from across the room' sort of thing...but I guess, for now, I'll take what I can get.

-PJ

Christian Dating websites.... well...let's see....

So far I have not turned up much success. I mean, I've gotten a few messages. None of them have been from guys in Colorado (well, ok, maybe one). A few of them have been old enough to be my father. Yes. You did read that correctly. Old. Enough. To. Be. My. Father.

One guy was 37 and lived in WA.
Another guy was 21, and his profile made no mention of where he lived. But his name was...well, you know I protect the guilty, but lets just akin it to Rostyslaw and let it play out in your imagination.
The third guy, though in my age range, lived in British Columbia.

...those were just the "smiles" (so lazy!)

The guys who messaged me:

Thirty year old - Florida
"your profile has caught my attention and i am looking for a relation"
A relation...seriously? More like - No speakie any english...

Next -
23 year old from Florida:
your profile really got my attention I see you are from Colorado that's way i cool currently i live in Florida. I would like to get to know you more if possible
Whats with the Floridians wanting to chat with the Coloradans...I mean, its like an entire country away from here. Are you moving to Colorado? Cause maybe then I could see it...but otherwise....what's the point? I didn't ask for a pen-pal.

The other guy was 32 - but miraculously from Denver. His message was much like all the other ok ones - you're pretty. blah, blah, blah. nice smile. blah, blah blah.

And that's just from one website. The other website featured a guy who was 55. Yuck. He put me as a "favorite." Double yuck.
Okcupider's sent out creepy messages sometimes, but at least they were in-state and (mostly) in my age range.

Ah, yes, well. I guess I can't have everything.
Or anything - as the case may be.

I just don't understand men. I seriously don't. I mean.....55? Really? Florida? Really? Come on. Where are all the good Christian guys in MY state who are in MY age range? Why aren't they answering me? (Uh, maybe you shouldn't answer that). Seriously. I like myself and all, but I'm starting to develop a complex that all I'm worth is a creepy 55 year old guy from Florida that more than likely speaks very little English and his wayyyyy past him prime. Yikes.

Man, this whole dating thing better turn out to be worth it.
I have a feeling that at my wedding, my first dance song will be "At Last" by Etta James... ;-)

-PJ

June 29, 2010: To be perfectly honest, there is nothing common about that lovely smile of yours:) It is positively enchanting.
June 29, 2010: yea, that cute smile is anything but plain there miss Jane. I think you are quite cute, and although some may think weight is an issue, it only bothers me when I hear complaints about it. You seem very happy, and that kind of attitude is a true delight to be around, so I would love to get to know you a bit and see if we might share a connection. Feel free to write anytime, I'd love to hear from you :)
July 5, 2010:Seriously, that smile is truly something to behold :)
July 25, 2010: I may be outside your requirements, but that smile is more than worth any drive, if given a chance :)
July 30, 2010: Well you are a very down to earth lovely woman. Nothing plain about you at all, all quite impressive really. Its rare to find someone who not only loves what they do, but is driven to pursue and improve themselves like you are is something to admire:) I also have respect for your desire to wait till marriage, that is a tough decision especially these days. I have pretty good control of myself, I reached a point long ago where sex doesn't rule my life as it does so many. Well I will leave this at you seem like a very special woman, and I would be honored to take you out sometime and get to know you. I think we share a lot in common, and I am curious where this all could take us. Feel free to write anytime, I would love to hear from you.
August 9, 2010: "Wink"
August 9, 2010: Added to his favorites list
August 9, 2010: Hello again. I used to work security in a hospital, so I have a few stories of my own to share :) I tend to quote a lot of movies and songs as well, but rarely does anyone I know get the reference unless I explain it. So I don't get the same responses you do. The photo project of yours is pretty interesting as well, I am curious how you got into it?

The first time I saw this guy (message #1), I wasn't super impressed. Sure, his message sounded nice, but his profile didn't jump out at me in any great way. I just sort of brushed him off and went on with my life. And then came message # 2. And then #3. I should have had the good sense here to write him and tell him that I wasn't really interested. I didn't. And them came messages #4 and #5. Messages #6, #7, and #8 all came in one day. Persistence is cute....persistence is like, three messages. At eight...he is just stalking me. Wonderful.

I did have the good sense to block him after the 8th message however. So, #8 will be his last (oh happy day).

I am at a loss for words here. I don't even know what to say (and really, how often does that happen?). I don't know how any person would keep writing messages when the girl didn't reply a single time. Uh....can't he take a hint?

So - lesson for the day? If she doesn't write you back - She's just not that into you.

I have been doing a lot of Quickmatch and Quiver matches on okcupid. I don't hold out much hope though. This one guy rated me 4 or 5 stars. I rated him that too. It's always a nice feeling when you realize the two of you rated each other high - definite potential.

Well...

Except for when I read through the "two of us" section (which, btw way, compares our answers to questions the website poses) and I see this:

"would you have to sleep with someone before you marry them? His answer: YES.

Wait. What?

" I feel like God's "better life" for me includes waiting until marriage to have sex. If you have a problem with this or don't see yourself being able to respect my decision, then we probably won't be dating."

The above is literally the copy/pasted quote of what is in my profile. So, Mr. 'I'm Not Waiting', if you've read my profile and know I am waiting for marriage, how could you possible rate me 4-5 stars when you have no plans to wait for marriage??? How could you possible think we'd ever been a good ok match? In my world (and hopefully in the actual world) that doesn't even make sense. This leads me to believe that you either a.) didn't read my profile or b.) thought I was joking. You know. About Jesus.

Awesome.
My faith in the male species is slowly dwindling.

I have decided to try my luck at Christian dating websites. I figure I might get a little better response - perhaps, since waiting for marriage is asked of us in the Bible, Christians just may be a little more...open to the idea.

Well, these websites look far less sophisticated than okcupid, but you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Indeed, I have already received two messages and I only put my profile up a few hours ago. Of course neither of these people live in my state - so, sort of a draw back there... but I remain [cautiously] hopeful.

There are less people on these websites though...and most Christian ones aren't free. I've found two acceptable free ones though. The other (fee based) ones attract more people, but then again, they charge money. I'm only 25 - I haven't reached a point where I am desperate enough to pay someone a computer to find me a date. Maybe when I'm 40 with multiple cats and lonely Friday nights....but right now - free is the only route for me.

So we will see how it goes. No doubt more fodder for this blog. (I've been wondering what sort of bad karma dating points I'm racking up with each entry. I can only imagine the bad dating juju I am going to incur from them. Perhaps my stalker should be warning enough for me to quit....nah).

-PJ

I just got on plentyoffish for the first time in awhile and noticed this under my matches section (notice the bold)

"The average person on this site has about 1000 people they could date with in a reasonable distance. To make your search easier on this page we only show you men whose income is equal to yours or higher (In only 5% of relationships is a woman's income significantly higher than a mans). "

Hmmm. My initial thought is if a man can't handle that I make more than him....he has issues. Seriously. It's the 21st century.

Maybe that's too feminist of me (but I mean really? really?)...what if I want to date an artist (yes - i'm using a stereo type to prove my point), who probably makes next to nothing, where as I make...well, a little more than next to nothing. This stupid statistic (and therefor matchmaking filter) means I'd never find him as a match. Well, that seems rather stupid.

Dislike POF. Dislike.

-PJ

p.s. the same guy has messaged me 4 times on okcupid..... I'll post his messages later - but seriously. take a hint!

Alright. I concede. It is not as easy to write a message as it seems. I know I relentlessly mock some guys for their lack of writing abilities and perhaps this is part of my seemingly bad juju at dating. I don't know. I can't seem to help it though - most of the letters are quite bad (and at least I hand over proof!)

But today I am bored at work and I have discovered my okcupid app seems to work when connected to the wifi, so I was looking at my matches. Curiously, only one guy's picture came up (the rest wouldn't load). He was a guy I've been thinking about messaging for a couple days...so, taking this as a cue from fate, I messaged him.

I actually sat there staring at the screen for a minute, marveling at the irony of the situation. I did not know what to say or how to phrase a message to a perfect stranger. What could I say that would grab this man's attention and set me apart from the other girls? Should I be witty? Should I be sweet? What should I do?

And it dawned on me that all these men that I mock possibly have these same questions in their minds as they write me. Hmmmm. Interesting.

If I am at all honest with myself (or you fine people), then I will admit that these feelings of empathy are probably going to be short lived. As soon as some poor guy messages me I will rack up some more bad juju and write about them in here, mercilessly mocking their inability to write a good, original letter. It's bound to happen. I'm just saying.

But until that day comes (and we all know it will) I will empathize with guys who write these letters. They really can be difficult to phrase.

...but speaking of bad letters, I got a particularly cheesy one today:
"Hey there! You're not plain at all... Smart, pretty, sexy... A triple threat!"

I sort of akin it to this one to:
"I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons."

So that empathy lasted long ;-)

-PJ

I'll never get tired of funny messages. And by funny, I don't mean hilarious...I mean good mocking material. Ok. Maybe one day when I am 40 years old, have 50 cats, am still single and waiting for Mr. Right to come, I'll get tired of messages that are scripted like the ones below. But until that day comes...bring on the mockery.

So who is first on the mocking-block today? It's keeper*** all the way from Westminster, Colorado (that will sound a lot cooler if you pretend I said it in a game-show voice).

Here is keeper***'s message:

...hey,....how are you? I am a naughty boy and am looking for some fun! There are so many fake people on here and i really hope your not one of them lol i have had these crazy messages like send me money to sibera so i can come be with you forever its so stupid how dumb do people really think others are, anyways i figured i will take the straight up approach so in that case..... I love to be spanked and love to be used and be taught that you are superior to me. I hope you like what you hear i am just tryin to be upfront and honest as i think that is better then telling you lies and then in the end it not being something your interested in :) hopefully i will hear back from you soon and you can spank me soon too :) talk to you soon!

Yes folks, just breathe it in....and three, two one....here I go.

Well keeper***, I think the first thing we must establish is that you are not, in fact a keeper. You see, keepers are ones who have a basic comprehension of reading. If you did have this fine skill, you would have read the part in my profile that pretty much flat out said no sex until marriage. You not only imply sex, but some sort of kinky s&m thing (you want me to teach you I am superior to you...that won't exactly be hard will it?)...yeah, I don't think so. And if that weren't enough, your picture looks like...well, like you just swallowed something nasty...not exactly a picture worth keeping either. So, after careful consideration, I think I will decline your request to...uh...spank you...and just not reply.

Next!

Haha, I really don't care that I'd never have a chance with you, but I have to tell you. You are the most amazingly gorgeous, beautiful, sexy girl I've ever seen on here! You're just a joy to look at :P

Well, of course, my cupid friend, I am amazingly gorgeous, beautiful and sexy - I am in the elite club on okcupid. Duh. But aside from that, all you get are my thanks. Not that you aren't a joy to look at too (really, a joy? you couldn't come up with a better word there?), but we don't seem to have much in common. Thanks for the compliment though. Oh and uh, not to sound cynical, but I'll eat my hat if you actually meant that sincerely (and don't say it to all the cupid girls).

Last one for the evening...

thought i'd hit you up and see if you want to chat sometime,
if interested let me know

A

You thought you'd hit me up? Really? Couldn't have phrased that one a little better? Perhaps after being called "amazingly gorgeous, beautiful and sexy" you really didn't have a solid chance...but something more than "thought i'd hit you up" might have at least made me give pause... as it is, zero points for originality and zero chance with me.


Well friends, it is my [humble] opinion that the elite club of okcupid isn't very special. I just did a search and I did not, in fact, see more attractive people. Instead, I saw the same people I always see. That isn't to say some weren't good looking...it is to say that most were...not. If this is what membership into the elite club costs...then being called "attractive" on this site isn't much of a compliment. I know a very manly woman with a deep voice who might even make the cut.

Oh single-hood at age 40 and 50 meowing cats...here I come.


-PJ

I have not been all that active in the dating world. I actually met a guy and went out on a date. I had a great time and he did too (or so he said)...but just two days later he told me he didn't think we should go out again. It was a sting, but I'll tell you - he was straight up honest and he spelled it out nice and plain (no wishy-washy crap there). Now that's something i can respect.

But now....well, OLD has taken a back seat. It's a tiring process. I work 40 hours a week and am in school. If I am going to put time and energy into something, it needs to be worth it. And so far, OLD hasn't been. Instead, I have actually just been really focused on me right now, which I think is good. Of course, that doesn't mean guys still don't write me. I'll share:

This guy has written me three times (huh, you'd think after not recieveing a reply the first time he'd have gotten the message!)

Message 1: "im 22 . looking for everything realtionships,dateing ect... hey cutie whats up? hows life?"
Message 2: "dam cute n great smile ;) holla backs plz dont be shy ss"
Message 3: "hey cutie wuts up? hows life? hollla backs n lets talk ! dont be shy."

I dont mind telling you half of this guys profile name: SlickNick...because I think its funny. I don't think girls want a "slick" guy cause it implies a certain amount of playerness...and well, I dont really want a player. But SN is 22, which I specifically state in my profile 23 is my youngest age for guys...so clearly we are dealing with someone who doesn't read the directions - never a good sign. And I have never been one for the pet name "cutie" it just sounds so.....high school. And makes me sound like some freshman girl (please, Im 25!). And holla backs? Really? Seriously? Oh, and dude, I'm not shy, I'm just not interested.

Alright, that was the only worthy one of mocking. The rest weren't half bad. Not great, either, but not half bad. Actually my real reason for the blog today was the email I got from Okcupid last night:

"We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver.

. . .
Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

. . .
Suddenly, the world is your oyster. Login now and reap the rewards. And, no, we didn't just send this email to everyone on OkCupid. Go ask an ugly friend and see.

Wow. Where to start? It's kind of insulting. I think. I mean, I've never been considered one of the beautiful people and I am truly ok with that. I think the insulting part is actually that people who aren't considered "attractive" are going to get less attractive matches. I mean what does that really say about okcupid (hello - Shallow!)? Or society for that matter. I guess I know it's part of society - the beautiful people tend to date/marry the beautiful people, and the rest of us are out to fend for something a little less pretty (and probably a whole lot less shallow, so really, we probably win anyway). But do we really have to carry over this kind of shallow thought process onto a dating website? Really? Who is this helping?

I guess I should be flattered that I will now be getting more attractive matches, but somehow I'm not. I've always seen myself marrying some kind of nerdy guy (like nbc's chuck) or something...definitely not Malibu barbie's ex.

Besides, while I do think I am pretty, I think my profile picture makes me look a whole lot prettier than I spend most days looking. No, I didnt retouch it or anything, but it happened to be an instance of perfect lighting (and a good hair/makeup day)...so it really doesn't feel like the real me...more like the barbazon version of me.

Most days I were far less makeup (some days none at all). So by this picture I may be voted on as attractive, but in real life? I'm just me. So here is the real scenario: I get matched with all these more attractive guys, who are expecting this girl. And they may get her for date night and occasionally thereafter...but much beyond that, probably not so much. So they are disappointed and feeling I am not so attractive, and because people can be a bit shallow when it comes to looks (yes, I know, not all people)...well, there will be heartache. (And it probably wont add to my self-esteem any).

I may be over stating it. Maybe it wouldn't happen like that. I just think it's more likely to happen when you lump a kind of ordinary girl in with all the "attractive" people. And I am sure I am not the only one reading this email and thinking that. Or maybe I am. Who knows.

My point? Online dating was fun for awhile and it makes for a good antic-dote, but I think I'll just continue to work on me. And like Michael Buble says, "I might have to wait, I'll never give up, I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck, Wherever you are, whenever it's right, You'll come out of nowhere and into my life"


-PJ